The man-sieve

Unless you live in a remote area, there are eligible, age-appropriate single men all around you. You have developed a filter for either attracting them or not, or accepting or rejecting date requests.

sieveBefore you began dating you may have said, “I don’t really know what I want, so I’ll go out with anyone who asks.” Your “man-sieve” has small holes and catches many men.

Or you set abundant criteria a man must meet before you’ll consider going out with him. Your man-sieve is loosely meshed, with large holes, allowing all but a very few to pass through.

As you date a few men, you adjust the man strainer. If you meet too many men who don’t meet your minimum criteria, you loosen your sieve so more fall through, only allowing the ones who are a likely match to be caught.

Or if you find nearly no one meets your expectations, you realize you are being unrealistic and you allow a few more to be caught. Maybe rather than insisting a man be 6′ tall you go out with 5-foot-11 or 5-foot-10 ones. Or rather than turning down anyone who doesn’t have a 4-year college degree, you look for intelligence, articulateness, and worldliness, even though he left Harvard mid-way, à la Bill Gates.

Have you examined your man-sieve lately? We often do so after a particularly odious date — “I’ve got to develop better criteria for who I’ll go out with.” Eventually you come upon a good mix of must-haves with nice-to-haves. You refine your filter so you are only going out with men who are good potential matches.

What have you noticed about how you’ve adjusted your man sieve over time? Have you tightened or loosened your criteria — or perhaps some of both?

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2 responses to “The man-sieve”

  1. Devon Avatar

    We all need to use good filters. I start by eliminating a high percentage of those that contact me who don’t meet the minimum. What has worked best for me is carefully reading the portrait for clues. Does he express himself well, is he positive, funny, active? I look for the nuances and try to read between the lines. My filter has served me well. I’ve dated some great men. We should all consider reviewing/changing our own portrait if it’s not delivering what we are seeking.

  2. […] What if you find it difficult to get one man in your funnel, let alone multiples? If you’re online, you may need to rewrite your profile, post more flattering pictures or adjust your criteria. (See “The man-sieve.”) […]