Tips for men

Male CallIn his column last week, my friend who writes “Male Call” for the San José Mercury News gave practical tips on how men can be more appealing to women.

At the end of the column he asked women to send their suggestions. Wanting to be a helpful pal, here’s what I sent him, and he even quoted one of these in this week’s column:

You covered good basic ones, like hygiene, tipping and making an effort.

Most men would be amazed how easy it is to melt many women’s hearts. Often it’s a lot of little things that make her go gaga over him. Granted, my focus is on midlife dating but I think these work no matter what age. I’d add:

  • Chivalry — it really does go a long way with many (most?) women. While some will bark at you that she can open her own door, damnit, most will be gracious about it. It shows you have some manners. Speaking of which…
  • Brush up on manners. It wouldn’t kill you to actually read an etiquette book or, heaven forbid, take a class. There are classes built around etiquette for business so you wouldn’t be humiliated to enroll, but will still learn which fork to use, how to pass the bread in the basket, not taking out a piece from the basket and handing it to your date, etc. This will pay off bigger dividends than you can imagine, not only with dates but in business.
  • Bring a single rose, ideally not plucked from the bush outside the restaurant, but no need for it to be wrapped from a florist either. However, it is okay if it is snipped from your own rose bush and handed to her. This kind of simple romance goes a long way.
  • Think about what she might like. So even though you love professional baseball, she might prefer a museum, or even a picnic in the park. Not that you should suffer through the opera if you hate it just to make her happy, but try to think of things both of you would like so you can both be happy. Because if she’s happy, good things are in store for you!

What advice would you add to this list?

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7 responses to “Tips for men”

  1. Ellen Avatar

    The most endearing quality is a man who listens. Really listens. Asks for more information about what I said, tries to draw me out, shows he is really interested. Pretend that there is a spotlight on the speaker, and the listeners job is to keep it focused on the speaker. When the listener listens and responds with something about himself, the spotlight goes to him. When the listener keeps the speaker talking, the light stays on the speaker. I appreciate when a guy compliments me, makes the plans, calls to say he’s thinking about me, and is affectionate, but a good listener is the best of all.

    xo Ellen

  2. matt Avatar

    LISTEN !!! Men! This last comment is so true ! Women’s/girl’s number one desire is that EVERYTHING is ALL about THEM, them talking about themselves, them talking about their lives, them wanting you to listen and be as interested in them as they are interested in themselves. Use it to your advantage, like a hunter, bag your game, and go home.

  3. Chance Avatar

    I enjoyed the article and tips. I especially appreciated Ellen’s comments about listening, frankly I think that both men and women must get very tired of hearing a man or woman go on and on about themselves. . . but that’s enough about me, let’s talk about me. They’re not much but they’re all they care about. . . The above remark from Matt was interesting and I have known people like that both men and women – EVERYTHING is ALL about THEM. Personally, I try to avoid generalizing about gender specific behavior since I’ve found it to be a fallacy. Lastly, getting to know one another is the beauty of a relationship. Why would I want to have sex with someone with whom I didn’t already have strong personal bond? To quote Isadora Duncan, “I’ve had as much as anyone of that sort of thing, what men dare call love. Men foaming at the mouth crying they would kill themselves if I did not return their love. . . was that love? No, it was hysteria.” Lastly, people who feign affection or sincerity only end up folling themselves, they miss out on the true richness of the a moment, the moment that gazes into anothers soul and witnesses the magic of intimacy. Bon Chance

  4. Chance Avatar

    Thanks you

  5. walt Avatar

    I’m interested in your advice on giving a rose. I’ve always made it a practice to give flowers early on in dating, because it’s expected. However, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten more than a minimalist reaction, like “that’s nice.” It seems like a waste of time and money.

  6. Dating Goddess Avatar

    Hi Walt:

    I’m thinking you got hooked up with women who weren’t as romantic as you are. Or maybe they thought flowers we commonplace. I don’t find that, and am appreciative whenever a guy gives me anything. Only one has brought flowers on a first date. It made an impression and helped put him in the “second date” category when other things were saying, “he’s nice, but not for me.”

  7. […] also know I’ve mentioned in several postings (Tips for men, What’s your definition of romance?) how much mileage a man could get by bringing a single rose to […]