In his column last week, my friend who writes “Male Call” for the San José Mercury News gave practical tips on how men can be more appealing to women.
At the end of the column he asked women to send their suggestions. Wanting to be a helpful pal, here’s what I sent him, and he even quoted one of these in this week’s column:
You covered good basic ones, like hygiene, tipping and making an effort.
Most men would be amazed how easy it is to melt many women’s hearts. Often it’s a lot of little things that make her go gaga over him. Granted, my focus is on midlife dating but I think these work no matter what age. I’d add:
- Chivalry — it really does go a long way with many (most?) women. While some will bark at you that she can open her own door, damnit, most will be gracious about it. It shows you have some manners. Speaking of which…
- Brush up on manners. It wouldn’t kill you to actually read an etiquette book or, heaven forbid, take a class. There are classes built around etiquette for business so you wouldn’t be humiliated to enroll, but will still learn which fork to use, how to pass the bread in the basket, not taking out a piece from the basket and handing it to your date, etc. This will pay off bigger dividends than you can imagine, not only with dates but in business.
- Bring a single rose, ideally not plucked from the bush outside the restaurant, but no need for it to be wrapped from a florist either. However, it is okay if it is snipped from your own rose bush and handed to her. This kind of simple romance goes a long way.
- Think about what she might like. So even though you love professional baseball, she might prefer a museum, or even a picnic in the park. Not that you should suffer through the opera if you hate it just to make her happy, but try to think of things both of you would like so you can both be happy. Because if she’s happy, good things are in store for you!
What advice would you add to this list?
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The most endearing quality is a man who listens. Really listens. Asks for more information about what I said, tries to draw me out, shows he is really interested. Pretend that there is a spotlight on the speaker, and the listeners job is to keep it focused on the speaker. When the listener listens and responds with something about himself, the spotlight goes to him. When the listener keeps the speaker talking, the light stays on the speaker. I appreciate when a guy compliments me, makes the plans, calls to say he’s thinking about me, and is affectionate, but a good listener is the best of all.
xo Ellen
http://www.wonderfulonlinewomenLA.com
LISTEN !!! Men! This last comment is so true ! Women’s/girl’s number one desire is that EVERYTHING is ALL about THEM, them talking about themselves, them talking about their lives, them wanting you to listen and be as interested in them as they are interested in themselves. Use it to your advantage, like a hunter, bag your game, and go home.
I’m interested in your advice on giving a rose. I’ve always made it a practice to give flowers early on in dating, because it’s expected. However, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten more than a minimalist reaction, like “that’s nice.” It seems like a waste of time and money.