DG reader Toni asks:
What is your sense about men who react to your online profile with a gushing email about how you are probably ‘the one’ for them, etc. and also who make several references to making love, the afterglow, etc. I feel uncomfortable when if a man seems to idealize me without ever meeting me…and also with references to sex, though I certainly like sex…but somehow it seems a bit out-of-form to bring it up in an introductory email. What is your take on all this?
Your instincts are right on. If a man idealizes you before he even meet you he is reacting to a fantasy, not you. He makes up how you are, all from a few words on a profile and a two-dimensional picture. I wrote about this in “Becoming smitten with the fantasy.”
Most people who are online dating are either lonely or horny or a combination of both. Some more than others. When someone idealizes you without having talked or met you, they are showing their emotional state — not one you want to travel to! If he talks about sex in the first email, he has no social savvy and will try to get you in the bed the first date. Not a formula for a pleasant time.
So unless you, too, want a quick fling, I’d release guys who do this by sending a “Thanks, but no thanks” email.”
Readers — what do you think?