Truth in dating

If you’ve dated more than a few men who you learned didn’t exactly live up to the hype they promised, you’ll appreciate this video. It’s a fun parody of the hip-hop love songs extolling the guy’s sexual prowess.

But what if one were to be this honest when dating? Admitting one’s inexperience, ineptitude and insecurities — especially early on when you are really wanting to impress your date? It would be somewhere between sad and refreshing, depending on how it was delivered.

I appreciate when a man discloses he’s not as smooth as he’d like to be. One of the acts that sold me on my ex was on our first date he went to put his arm around me and knocked off my clip-on earring. I thought it was charming that he showed he wasn’t so smooth.

I like vulnerability — to a point. If he shows too much insecurity, it is not appealing. But an occasional admission of a soft spot is better than constant bravado.

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What do you think the line is between insecurity and vulnerability? What has a guy done that showed he was wussy vs. self-aware?


2 responses to “Truth in dating”

  1. Ashley Avatar

    Love your column. The video was hysterical.

    I also like a man who can show he’s vulnerable, but don’t enjoy the show of insecurity. He can BE insecure inside, just not talk about it and demonstrate it all the time. Guys who hang on and touch their date every minute while out in public cross that line for me.


  2. Loving Annie Avatar

    I had a guy pretend to me for 4 years that he was totally sensuous and that he loved sex but that he was such a nice guy and everything was emotionally based for him that he took things really slow.

    The reality is, is that I think he had serious sexual dysfunctions. So he’d pretend to be great, talk about it, be a tease – and then run after all we’d done was some intense cuddling.

    He kept saying how intense the chemistry between us was, and that I was beautiful, and he’d write me incredibly erotic e-mails saying how much I turned him on, but even though he’d have a very evident erection around me, he always had a reason for not taking me to bed.

    I was heartbroken and felt totally manipulated.

    Had he been honest from the get-go that he had performance problems, I liked him enough to have tried to work it out anyway.

    But his ongoing game playing just made me totally distrusting and was a turn off.

    Dishonesty SUCKS. Lack of disclosure is the same thing as a lie.