Competitive people keep score. They note accumulated points and penalties. I think we unconsciously do this with our dates.
So I’ve devised a chart to illustrate what usually happens in our minds. We track the things we like and weigh them against the things we don’t like or are disappointed by. Sometimes these disappointments are things that are said or done (watching TV over your shoulder when out to dinner, insulting something dear to you — even if unwittingly). More often disappointments are things not done (didn’t call when he said he would, forgot promises or important dates).
In “Tracking your date’s score” I suggest a guy starts with 100 units or points. He can earn more by doing things you like and loses points for disappointing you. I know this sounds harsh. But the truth is we’re doing this mentally anyway, whether we actually assign points to the actions/inactions or not.
Look at the chart below to see how I think we track these points on the Delight/Disappointment Scale. (Click on the chart to get a bigger view.) Notice this guy’s score hovers around the midpoint — he doesn’t do a lot to delight nor disappoint. Then New Year’s Eve with no invitation. (This is the same guy who blew off Valentine’s Day last week. As one of my pals said, “This guy doesn’t get you and how to treat you!” I’m afraid when I look at the chart, I’d have to agree.)
Maybe you don’t want to be as analytical as keeping a chart like this. But I think it is important to be conscious of how he comes out on the Delight/Disappointment Scale. We can all handle disappointments when someone is on the positive side of the scale most of the time. No one is perfect, and we are bound to disappoint the other at some time. However, if there are too many trips to the south side of neutral time to reassess the relationship and discuss it with him if you have been dating for a while (he deserves to know so he can fix it if he wants), or move on.
How does your current guy rate on the Delight/Disappointment Scale?