What’s your definition of a PDA?

BlackberryNo, I’m not talking about a Personal Digital Assistant, like a Blackberry or Palm. I’m referring to Public Displays of Affection.

In online profiles people often say they are comfortable or like PDAs. I state this in mine. But I’ve learned that people have different definitions of this term.

For some, it means hand holding, quick kisses, and interlocked arms. For others in means making out anywhere the urge hits. More than one guy thought that it was perfectly fine to passionately kiss in a crowded bar — within an hour of meeting. Another thought it okay to back me against a building on a crowded street in my city and kiss me passionately. When I pulled away and suggested I was uncomfortable with this, especially so soon after meeting, one guy said, “You said you liked PDAs.”

At the other end of the spectrum, some guys have said they like PDAs but don’t even take my hand when walking.

Thus I learned that different people have different definitions of the meaning of this term.

Have you thought about what your definition is? And what is comfortable for you?

For me, much of it has to do with how comfortable I am with my date. It also has to do with how respectful I feel he’s being. When the guy backed me against the wall it felt like he was not being respectful, especially since there was a good chance someone I knew — even a client — would walk by. And thirdly, it makes a difference if we are mindful of others nearby, whether I might know them or not. For example, my sweetie and I enjoyed necking as we sat on a secluded water-front bench. But it didn’t feel disrespectful since there were few people around and we stopped if someone walked by.

hand heartIf you each have different preferences and comfort levels it can be awkward. If you don’t like to be touched in public and he likes putting his arm around you and holding hands, you can feel continually pawed at. However, if you like those signs of endearment and none are forthcoming you can feel neglected and that you’re out with a pal rather than a potential beau. And some people just take a little while to warm up and show their affection via PDAs.

The clearer you are with your comfort level and PDA lines, the more comfortable you will be with sharing that with your date. You can calmly tell him when he’s overstepping without anger or putting him down for crossing it. After all, he won’t know your boundary until you tell him. If he doesn’t respect your limits, that’s a sign he won’t respect other of your boundaries.

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3 responses to “What’s your definition of a PDA?”

  1. bookyone Avatar

    Hi DG,

    I agree with you, it all depends on the person and the situation. If it’s someone I know fairly well, (as someone I’ve been dating for a while), then PDA’s are definitely OK with me. Otherwise, I believe it’s a good idea to proceed slowly. Equally, the situation is important. I don’t like to see people making out in crowded places, IMHO it just smacks of exhibitionism. On the other hand, in a quiet or semi-private setting, it can be rather enjoyable.

    That guy who backed you up against the wall, he sounds like a real dingbat. I’ll bet he doesn’t get many second dates. Just a hunch…

    Best wishes from bookyone 🙂

  2. Gatti Avatar

    Again, it may be the “reserved” British, or I just always picked polite guys, but my dates (and most of them were first dates only) were perfect gentlemen in the PDA department. I remember taking an arm on a windy, rainy day (and because the umbrella was quite small), but beyond that all was friendly but correct.

    Actually, I would myself be reticent about too much physical contact on a first meeting. I’m a natural hand-holder and arm-toucher, but I hold it back a bit at first because it could be giving the wrong signals. And no date ended with more than a swift kiss and/or hug.

    Of course, until I struck gold (big time!), there wasn’t anyone that I wanted to get any nearer to than that!

  3. Pam Z Avatar

    I am a PDA addict. I don’t throw myself on my date, but when I find myself into him the closer I get to touching his hand the more comfortable I feel. Didn’t know that this hand touchy thing had a title. Now it shall be in the next profile. God I hope not .
    Thanks for the info. Cute stuff I bet I get alot of questions of “what does that mean”. You have enlightened me and I shall spread your word.