The term “independent woman” is often seen in men’s profiles who seek self-sufficient women. It is their way of saying they want a woman who has a life of her own, interests, friends, a career and sufficient income. They don’t want someone who is clingy, reliant on them for all entertainment and definitely not someone they would need to support financially.
However, I have a new understanding of some men’s definition of “independent.” In addition to the above, it can mean “a woman who doesn’t need much from me in terms of a relationship. We can both come and go as we please, and hook up when the whim strikes. Little communication needs to occur between hook ups. I don’t want to put much time or energy into the relationship. Hey, we’re both busy people.”
I would never have guessed that this was part of one’s definition of “independent.” However, the Thesaurus offers these words: unconnected, disinterested, uncommitted, detached and unconstrained. Unfortunately, these words more closely describe my relations with a man I dated for months who repeatedly said he appreciated my independence.
His definition of independent apparently was that he would call me when he wanted, occasionally text me, see me when the whim struck, and maybe return my calls and maybe not. When it struck me that his definition of independent and mine were vastly different, I saw that his was self-absorbed. While I am independent in the traditional definition, I also think I am considerate of others.
If a man says he wants an independent woman, ask him to further define it to make sure you are on the same page. If not, discovering different definitions can be jarring.
When you hear that a man wants a woman who’s independent, what does that mean to you? Have you ever discovered that your definition and his were very different? If so, how?