A 26-year-old pal shared with me that he took his girlfriend around the neighborhood to enjoy the Christmas lights. “She said we don’t do enough romantic stuff and she wanted to do see the lights. So I asked her if this was romantic and she said yes.” I gave him kudos for listening to her and acting on giving her a romantic experience.
Which launched a discussion of what is considered romantic. I said, “Do you know her definition of romance?”
“Good question. I keep trying to understand it. I asked her if it’s romantic when we’re both watching the same TV program together. She said no. I said what if we’re having dinner together. She said yes. What if we’re watching TV and having dinner together. She said no. So I’m trying to understand the specifics of what is romantic to her.”
My heart went out to him, as I think this is something men struggle with all over the world. And I understood his desire to get a specific definition of romance from his sweetie.
Men who desire a happy relationship want to please their woman. They do their best to do what they think she likes. She doesn’t want to have to tell him, as that takes away the excitement and feeling that he knows her so well he knows what will delight her. This drives men crazy and makes for many disappointed women.
My ex once hid a series of postcards in places around the house I frequented with bits of poems on them. Sounds romantic, huh? He hadn’t written the poems, they were from famous poets. They weren’t love poems and I couldn’t see how they had anything to do with me. When I asked about the significance of the poems, he said they were just stanzas he liked. I’m not much of a poetry fan, but he was. So he thought he was performing a romantic gesture which fell totally flat.
So what can you do to get more romance in your dating relationship?
The first part of the solution is for you to define what you feel is romantic. Is it candlelit dinners, a walk on the beach holding hands, going dancing, flowers for no reason, quick “thinking of you” texts? List as many as you can, including as much detail as possible. For example, a candlelit dinner isn’t romantic if he’s texting or watching TV as you sit there. (I once was on a second date with a man in a romantic restaurant and he watched the bar TV over my shoulder the whole time.)
Have him make his list. Warning: he may not think of much. This isn’t something men spend a lot fo time thinking about. Don’t make him wrong for that.
Then share your lists. You may say, “It wont’ be romantic if I have to tell him what to do!” You’re giving him ideas of the type of things you like. Include in your list, “Other actions that show you’ve put some thought and effort into making me happy.”
Write in a comment what you feel is romantic so others can expand their ideas.
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