Recently I’ve had six dates with a guy, but only one passionate kiss — on the fifth date! Before that I got pecks hello and goodbye. I began to wonder if he thought of me as a pal — or worse, his sister! But he treated me and touched me in ways that said otherwise. I’d think, “This guy just doesn’t like kissing,” but before we even met he asked me if I liked to kiss and I said yes. So I don’t think that’s the problem.
Only one other guy took more dates — six — to passionately smooch. Other guys have locked lips too much and too soon — some within minutes of meeting me. So I’ve begun to wonder if each person has a kissing quotient. And you have to work it out with potential partners so both person’s kissing needs are met.
There are several kissing quotient criteria:
- How soon — After first meeting someone, at what point do you feel it is appropriate to passionately kiss? This can vary widely depending on the person and the attraction you have to each other. However, do you have some general guidelines? Tyra Banks has said she never kisses on the first date, and if a guy tries to plant one on her lips, she turns her cheek. She wants him to really want to kiss her during the second date!
- Frequency — Some people like to kiss a lot — both pecks and passionately. Do you like a lot of kissing, some, or hardly any? Some people can interpret lots of kissing as lots of attraction. Others feel it shows neediness and clinginess — or horniness!
- Timing — Do you like kissing anywhere you feel drawn to your partner — on the street, in the movies, in a store, or do you prefer private necking — in the car and at home? Or do you like making out only in bed?
- Duration — Some folks like to kiss for hours. Others for only a few minutes. What’s the length of time you’re comfortable necking?
- Style — Some people have no kissing foreplay. No nibbles or suggestive busses. They just start full bore. If you like nibbles and he’s a “full court press” guy, there’s a mismatch. I’ve even tried to teach guys how I liked to be kissed, with not a lot of success.
Of course, all of this depends on how much you enjoy canoodling with the other person. If you don’t consider him a good kisser, you’re probably not going to extend your lip-locking activities.
Hmmm. Maybe my beau du jour doesn’t like my kisses! Or maybe he is afraid they will make him get weak knees and he’ll lose his decorum!
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When to be passionately kissing? My memory shows that for me it varies tremendously from different relationships. Although I think the perception is that the male initiates the kiss – I believe it is with many men to be otherwise. Some of us depend on the signals – and that when a woman you are getting to know feels it is appropriate – she will indicate such.
Other men try on their schedule – hence the unpredictability of it all.
If your date was holding off – he might be looking for that feedback in stages or might be getting signals of “wanting to keep things at a distance still”. It is a two person dance.
For me it is all about chemistry… If there is one on first date, I will kiss him. And if there is just a tad of chemistry, I might hold it off till the subsequent date. By chemistry I meant the first initial connection, it can be just physical, or how we get along and how the conversation flows. And as far as the other quotient, if I am very very attracted to him, I will kiss him all the time, anywhere anytime.
Your last comment is why I tend to be verrrrry conservative about kissing, Janet. It’s highly sexually charged for me, so if I start I want to make sure that I’m in a situation where I don’t want to stop!