When a man tells you what he paid for things

For two months I dated a man who told me what he paid for his Mercedes ($85,000), his Ferragamo shoes ($450), his Persian rug ($1400), his Rolex ($10,000), and his son’s PlayStation ($600), among other items. He was a wealthy man who spent less than $100 total on our weekly dates.

This got me wondering what was up. Was he not that into me that he only took me to dinner twice (including once to Chili’s) and out to the movies once? The rest of the time it was a simple dinner at his house or mine and a DVD. Oh, yes, there was the debacle of taking me dancing where he spent $26 for our admission, then declined to dance with me, but wouldn’t leave because he’d paid the entrance fee and wanted to stay until he got his money’s worth.

Was he just stingy? Tightfisted? Miserly? I can understand if someone is frugal, especially if they live on a modest income, but why the incongruence between what he spent on himself and what he spent on our entertainment? While I didn’t expect him to spend exorbitantly on our dates, nor do I need a wealthy man, the disparity was glaring.

So why do some men feel the need to tell you how much they spent on their toys? I think it is so they can prove they are successful. It is the same reason they wear logo shirts (e.g., Ralph Lauren) and Rolex watches, to give the aura of affluence. However, they could also be up to their eyeballs in hock to afford these luxuries. I call it affluent poverty when someone goes into debt to appear they are financially successful. I’d much prefer seeing last year’s tax return, net worth balance sheet and 401k statement than high-end cars, watches, or shoes.

I think continually boasting about the price of your acquisitions reeks of low-self esteem. It shows you are trying to impress someone with your purchasing power. This man grew up lower middle class and worked himself to the top of his profession. I guess the way to show he had made it — not only to himself but to others — was to buy himself expensive toys. And of course, to tell others what he paid for them.

However, many people who have learned to like fine purchases also take pleasure in sharing similar items with people of whom they are fond, whether family, friends, or women they are wanting to woo. While I helped him choose generous Christmas gifts for acquaintances, I got nothing, not even a card. For Valentine’s Day again I received not a thing — not even a call, although I sent him a card and he promised to take me to dinner. It never happened. That’s when I decided I didn’t want to date a wealthy, bragging Scrooge.

When a man repeatedly tells you what he spent on things, note the yellow flag. And if he then spends virtually nothing on you, run the other direction.

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