Recently I’ve been feeling sort of vulnerable regarding the guy I’ve been seeing. He doesn’t call every day and if more than a few days pass, I begin to feel he’s gone “poof” like so many men before him. I could call him — and I have — but know that He’s Just Not That Into You says if he doesn’t call regularly, it can be a yellow flag.
It made me think of when many women feel vulnerable in dating.
- Immediately upon meeting a new guy — Most of us go through a little uncomfortableness immediately upon meeting a new guy as we want him to like us. We are told that men are visual, so if he doesn’t like how we look, then the date can be awkward. In fact, it can be painful if the guy has few social skills and tells you quickly through his words or behavior that he’s not attracted to you.
- After the first date when you want him to call — If you like him and want him to call, the next 24 hours can be excruciating until either he calls, you get distracted by other activities, or you give up on his calling. You can invest in a lot of emotion waiting for this call. Sometimes to head off agonizing you call him, although you know that is often not the best route. Even though some men like a woman making the next move, many see it as needy.
- Immediately after having sex for the first time — There’s a physiological chemical release during sex and women often become more emotionally attached to their partner. If the guy understands this, it can lead to wonderful cuddling and conversation. However, if he doesn’t, the woman can feel alone and abandoned.
- Within days of the first time having sex — For many, the first time is a sexual audition. If he says, “I’ll call you” and he doesn’t within the next 48 hours, she often feels she didn’t pass and feels rejected.
- When you’re not sure where you stand — You’ve been dating for a little while, yet there’s been no sign that he thinks you two could be a steady relationship. He keeps calling you periodically to ask to get together, but you’re not sure if it’s out of loneliness or if he’s into you. He continues to go online (you can see when he last logged on — today!), so you think he must not be completely satisfied with you.
Does this list match your experiences of vulnerable times? If not, what should I add? And when do you think men feel most vulnerable?