Sometimes a guy says something that stings but it shifts your perspective so it ends up for the better.
We’d been seeing each other a few weeks. I enjoyed his company. Smart, funny and affectionate, he made me laugh like no one else. I thought it was going well. Then, over cocktails, he told me he didn’t see us together long term. When I asked why, he uttered “You are just too much work.” Shocked and hurt, I didn’t really understand what he meant.
You see, I consider myself a medium-maintenance woman. I’m not demanding about much. I’m not so low maintenance that a guy can just pop into my life when he wants and expect to pick up where we left off. But I also don’t demand extravagant gifts, dinners, and 100% attention.
So when he said I was a lot of work, I asked what he meant. He said “When I come home, I’m beat. I want a beer, a good meal, then watch the tube. You require conversation. And not just ‘How was your day?’ or ‘Can you pick up the dry cleaning?’ But real conversation that makes me think. I’m too tired at the end of the day to think like that. I just want to zone out.”
While it stung that he thought I was a lot of work, he was right in that I do require a thinking man — someone who wants to participate in meaningful dialog. I wouldn’t be happy with a “zoner” — someone who doesn’t care about engaging in anything beyond trite conversation. Nor would I be happy with someone who couch potatoes every night in front of the TV, even if he’s watching PBS or the Discovery Channel.
What about you? Are you “a lot of work?” Are you low-, medium- or high-maintenance? And what, exactly, do each of those mean to you?