If you know it isn’t a good match, you owe it to him to tell him and then either move on or become friends. But do so graciously, respectfully and gracefully, no matter what. Here are four ways NOT to let him know.
- Via email — if you’ve dated him more than a few times, have the guts to tell him that you aren’t going to see him again in person, or if that’s not possible by phone. I had a lover break up with me via an email after we’d dated exclusively for 7 weeks. He said he was too cowardly to do it in person! It was disrespectful and hurtful to not do it in person when we’d just seen each other the day before.
- After only a few minutes — After 10 minutes one guy told me that he wasn’t attracted to me so he was leaving. On one hand, good that he didn’t waste either of our time. But he could have been more graceful than saying “I’m not attracted.” How uncouth!
By IM — This is the modern version of the “Sex and The City” Berger break-up Post-It to Carrie. Tacky. A guy I had been dating for 6 weeks sent me an Instant Message breaking up with me — when he knew I wouldn’t be around to read it until later. Essentially, it is as classless and spineless as an email.- AWOL — Not returning emails or voice mails. I’ve had two guys do this, one I’d dated for 6 weeks. After talking 5 or 6 times a day for 6 weeks, he suddenly didn’t respond to any emails, IMs or voice mails. He’d left some clothes at my house that I wanted to return to him after I didn’t hear back for a few days, and he still didn’t respond. I left them on his front porch, as there was not much else I could do.
Have the courage and decency to be gently honest when you release this person back into the dating pool. You will feel better about yourself, and you’ll leave him not hating you.
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Goddess-This guy :”I had one guy tell me after 10 minutes that he wasn’t attracted to me so he was leaving.” is completely crass. If there isn’t any chemistry that’s fine but what a pitiful way for him to tell you so-You are getting quite the education aren’t you 🙂
10 Minutes? Try 6 months, of seeing each other virtually EVERY day. Never asked me out on a date, though, but made it fairly apparent that he WAS interested AND attracted, because he flirted virtually nonstop during our entire 6 month thing. When things got a little rocky (and why wouldn’t they, since he had about six other “female friends” in his life, which I was starting to feel a tad leary about) and he turned to THEM for advice, rather than discuss issues with me, he called one day and said, “I’m not attracted to you anymore.” Nother else. So I inquired … “do you mean personality, something has turned you off that way? Interesting, because I think we have such fun together.” His response: “No, not personality. Physical. I’m not attracted to you physically any more.” ANY MORE? Nothing changed in 6 months, although I did cut my hair shorter … big deal! I don’t know, I found it all very odd, and said, “gee, I never heard to losing physical attraction in such a short time span,” and he said, “Really? I think it’s quite common, actually.” BS! I’m not buying it. I think he just wanted to cause emotional pain, and unfortunately for me, he succeeded. But I succeeded in resisting the urge to call him and figure this whole thing out…..
I’m done now … thanks for reading!