The other day I fell. Not for my date, but on my date. And a first date at that.
It was pretty embarrassing, as well as painful. I was all cuted up, in a form-fitting top, sassy skirt, patterned hose, 2-inch heels — not too high. I had nothing — absolutely no alcohol — to drink. We were dining at a table raised above the floor by two small steps. There was low lighting.
When I excused myself to go to the ladies room I didn’t see one of the steps and went down hard. My cute self was splayed on the floor. Luckily, my skirt wasn’t wrapped around my head.
The waiters and manager ran over to see if I was hurt. Mostly, it was my ego that was bruised, as well as some abrasions on my shins and thigh. My hose had a little tear. Otherwise, I was fine.
Interestingly, my date — seated a few feet away — didn’t get up to come to my aid. He turned around in his chair to face me and asked if I was okay as I scrambled to rise and regain what was left of my dignity.
In my four years of dating, I’ve not had another similarly embarrassing mishap. It made me think of how it telegraphs a lot by how we react when calamity happens to us or our date.
I was shaken and embarrassed, but tried to shrug it off. I continued to the ladies room with my head held high. Only when in the well-lit restroom did I see my shins had some open wounds which were oozing a little blood. When I went back to the table, I joked about my klutziness.
It told me a lot about my date that he didn’t rise to help me up, dust me off, or see if I was OK. He just asked from his chair. Did he think he was preventing further embarrassment by not making a fuss? Did he see that I was already vertical so there wasn’t much he could do? Since I said I was fine there was no need to come closer to see?
I don’t know about you, but if I saw someone nearby go down, whether I knew them or not, I’d like to think I’d go to their aid. And if I knew them, I know I would. So for my date to not bother to come check on me was a flag that said we had different perspectives of what was important in dealing with people. And specifically, about people in some distress.
Now I don’t recommend you fall down as a way to test your date’s values around helping you if you were in trouble. But if you do have an unfortunate mishap, notice what he does or doesn’t do and how you feel about it.
And try to keep your skirt down as you fall.
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Don’t go out with him.
I am a lady, and if you had fallen in front of me, I would’ve walked to you and offered my hand to help you up. That’s just common courtesy. It’s the human thing to do.
Its says a lot about a man that won’t offer you his hand or at least appologize profusely for not helping you up. If he didn’t even do that, forget him.
We like to feel he would want to save us if we really needed that. I’m not advocating the whole damsel in distress thing like it’s a good way to be. However, if we fell down for goodness sakes, he should come see about us. And I think a guy likes to feel he’s your hero, too. That situation just didn’t fit with what I think should be a natural instinct to want to protect you.
If you would have fallen infront of me (rather than for me) I would have made a cute humorous remark to make light of the moment and then I would have offered my hand to help you up.
Mike
Falling down is hard anytime, but particularly in any public place & in front of a first date. I think the humiliation is more painful than the actual fall. However, the rudness of your date’s indifference is the worst pain of all.
I believe after the man has come to the rescue of his aquaintance, that he relate similar occurances that happened to him infusing humor into the anecdotes in order to break the ice. Before you know it you’re both laughing & most of the hurt is gone (except for the physical pain). Believe me I’ve had priors. You’re welcome!