I admit it. I’ve been so enticed by what a man is that it’s clouded my judgment about who he is.
When dating the crazy psychiatrist, I adored when he consulted the pharmacist about what over-the-counter remedy would reduce my cold symptoms. I loved telling my friends that I was dating a doctor. Shallow, I know. Very shallow. I felt like his profession meant that I was able to attract smart, accomplished men. I ignored the ever-present fact that he was a self-admitted “impaired physician,” meaning a doctor with problems. And he had those in spades. If he’d been a normal guy — engineer, Realtor, manager, contractor — I wouldn’t have put up with the junk he threw at me.
The Academy-Award winner was similar. His accomplishment overrode telling signs that this man wasn’t for me. But I was enthralled with the prospect of attending private screenings and Oscar night with him. I told myself, “I deserve someone who is at the top of his field,” even though he’d earned the award as part of a stellar team, not an individual effort, and that was over 10 years ago.
Luckily, I’ve not always fed my ego and blinded my assessment by the status of my dates. I wasn’t beguiled by the former professional football player, ex pro basketball player, high-tech exec, CEO, lawyer, or venture capitalist.
Sometimes I wish I didn’t know a man’s accomplishments or profession until I know him better. It is difficult to mask, however, because many list it in their profile or mention it in early communications. I’ve considered asking a man not to tell me for a while and see if I like him for who he is, not what he is. But now they are intertwined.
It would be like getting to know someone through only email and phone, then showing up to meet him with you both wearing blindfolds. How different your impressions would be without the visual! You could smell his cologne, feel his hand and arm, perhaps hug. Would a kiss be more delicious or less if you didn’t know what he looked like?
Do you find yourself entranced by a man’s profession and accomplishments? If not, how do you set aside whatever status you attribute to it and allow the man’s characteristics to show through?