Breakup a time to reassess

by Dating Goddess on December 19, 2010

A midlife friend recently broke up with his girlfriend of 10 years. The reason he broke up with her is after a lot of soul searching and couples counseling, it became clear they wanted different things.

When I asked how he was doing regarding this, he said he was using this as an impetus to reassess many things in his life.

“Like what?” I asked.

“Pretty much everything.”

“Give me some examples.”

“Work, living situation, exercise, diet, goals, love, relationships. I’m stepping back and looking at most elements of my life and asking if they are what I want. Am I doing my the best I can given certain parameters?”

“Wow, that’s a lot to assess.”

“Yes, it’s good.”

Breakups can be a time to examine many elements of your life and decide if each is what you want. As a result of this assessment, many people increase their exercise, change their diet, go back to school, take up new hobbies, modify their appearance and/or wardrobe, negotiate work duties, remodel their house or even move.

When my marriage dissolved I thought hard about if I wanted to continue living in my house and city. I seriously pondered getting in my car and visiting friends around the country who’d invited me. I could then experience many areas for possible relocation. Funds and lethargy prevented me from taking off on this adventure. But since I’ve visited so many areas of the country, I decided I was happy for now where I am.

After my last painful breakup, I was motivated to seek counseling to better understand the bad choices I was making about men. It has helped immensely.

What have you examined and changed after a breakup? Have breakups motivated you to modify important parts of your life.
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For more on post-breakup lessons, get your copy of Moving On Gracefully: Break Up Without Heartache.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Katie December 21, 2010 at 1:41 pm

To borrow a phrase from eHarmony, examine the “Must Haves / Can’t Stands” after a break-up so you know what to look for (or look out for) in future relationships. Often it’s when something is removed from your life that you get clarity about it.

Adam January 18, 2011 at 12:01 am

I went through a break up three years ago, and although I’m still young and don’t have as much to assess I still changed so much about my life. I honestly hadn’t noticed what I changed until people told me that I was looking better and or they didn’t recognize me. I grew into what I wanted to be and am still growing. Break ups can be a powerful thing.

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