DG reader Toni asks: I just had a second date with a man who, during the show, put his hand on my leg. I removed it. To me that is way more intimate than holding hands or a hug is — the kind of intimate “owning” thing that a serious other does — not someone…
Dating after 40
Rejecting preconceived notions
Do you have biases about supposed characteristics attributed to a potential suitor’s personality, values and behaviors based on limited information? For example, do you think lawyers are hard-nosed and blood thirsty? Accountants are boring? Men over X age are sluggish and out of shape? Short men are…; tall men are…; men born abroad are…; men…
Truth in dating
If you’ve dated more than a few men who you learned didn’t exactly live up to the hype they promised, you’ll appreciate this video. It’s a fun parody of the hip-hop love songs extolling the guy’s sexual prowess. But what if one were to be this honest when dating? Admitting one’s inexperience, ineptitude and insecurities…
Too-intimate first contact
DG reader Toni asks: What is your sense about men who react to your online profile with a gushing email about how you are probably ‘the one’ for them, etc. and also who make several references to making love, the afterglow, etc. I feel uncomfortable when if a man seems to idealize me without ever…
Does he fit in your world?
For a relationship to work long term, I believe it’s important that you are able to fit into each other’s world. Not that you have to live parallel lives with the same profession, income, hobbies, etc. But is important that you can easily slip into each other’s activities, gracefully converse with the other’s counterparts and…
Review of “Making Sense of Men”
In Alison Armstrong’s second book, Making Sense of Men: A Woman’s Guide to a Lifetime of Love, Care and Attention from All Men, she discusses common misconceptions women have about men’s intentions and how to know if a man is just interested in sex or to have a more meaningful relationship. She calls the latter…
Working through the hiccups
In every relationship, no matter how great, there are some hiccups: occasional miscommunication, unmet expectations, hurt and/or disappointment. The test for any couple is how these hiccups are dealt with. Even a budding relationship has missteps as you get to know each other’s patterns, preferences and perspectives. It’s like dancing with a new partner —…
Is your guy’s loving muscle strong?
I’m talking about his willingness and ability to regularly show caring, affection and love, whether to you or others. I’ve noticed that men I’m dating who are used to showing their love to their parents, children, friends, church members, etc., are more able to express their love to me. They are unembarrassed about conveying their…
Paying for the sins of predecessors
Men have told me it isn’t fair when a women judges them based on behaviors of previous suitors. Ideally we all want to be assessed as individuals, not lumped into “men do this” or “women do that” stereotypes. Yet it is difficult to not take into account past lessons from collective experiences with the opposite…
Dating with disabilities
DG reader Sherri asks: I recently met a man online who had one arm. We talked on email and by phone for about a month before meeting because we live 60 miles apart. When I finally met him, he was cute, funny, smart — but I could not get past the disability, which was more…
DG interview on dating after 40
Recently I was interviewed by Ronnie Ann Ryan, dating coach and author of MANifesting Mr. Right, who specializes in helping woman 40 and over find love, for her interview series “Decoding Dating.” Ronnie and I share many of the same attitudes about dating and methods for meeting prospects. We had a very fun conversation. She…