In the 18 months between when my ex left and I started dating, I had plenty of time to consider what I wanted in my next man. One of my realizations was I planned 99% of outings in my marriage. I wanted a man who would take the time to plan, as I was burnt…
Dating after 40
Are you a good man picker?
A Dating Goddess reader wrote lamenting her string of dates who weren’t a fit. She said, “I am struck by how consistently poor my ‘picking ability’ is.” How is your picking ability? Do you, too, have a string of first dates, but not second ones? Or you may have multiple dates, but nothing long term?…
Releasing back into the dating pool
Doesn’t this phrase sound benign? Refreshing even? Can you imagine a perfect-temperatured, clear, tranquil pool, inviting you to dip your toes or immerse yourself totally in the rejuvenating water? Do see yourself floating on the pristine pond as the gentle current rocks you into complete relaxation? If only releasing someone — or being released —…
Instead of roses, he gives you … lingerie
On our fourth date he announced, “I bought you a present.” “Oh? I inquired, “What?” “I’ll give it to you later.” At the end of the evening he handed me a bag. It was a silky negligee. This man had never even given me flowers, but he gave me lingerie! My husband of 20 years…
Are you a hoochie mama?
“What’s that?” you ask. The term is commonly used to denote a loose or crass woman. However, because I have a dear friend who uses this as an enduring term for me, I like to think of it differently. My definition is a woman who is secure in her sexuality, comfortable flirting and playing. She…
“I only want to date someone I would marry”
A newly divorced friend was intrigued by my philosophy about dating so many men. She said, “I just couldn’t do that. I don’t want to date anyone I wouldn’t see myself marrying.” She is not alone. This is many women’s philosophy. She says she is too busy to spend time with someone she doesn’t think…
Men and Zen
My beau du jour is a vegetarian Buddhist who plays guitar professionally in two reggae bands. Additionally, he holds down a day job, and runs his own small business after hours. Needless to say, we have interesting conversations. Our first encounter was a hot chocolate date, since neither of us drink coffee. Over frothy cocoa…
Him or someone better
Do you know the prayer, “This or something better”? It is commonly used when you are awaiting some good news — a new job, new client, offer on a new home, college acceptance. Sometimes I’ve wished that it will work out with a new guy and he will be “the one.” He seems great in…
Sleepover do’s and don’ts
“Sleepover? For adults?” you may be asking. “What do you mean?” Two-person pajama party. Duo slumber party. Couple cuddle fest. Jammie jam. No-sex sleepover. It can happen early in the relationship. You’re not ready to have sex, so you only cuddle and snooze with your new sweetie all night. Sleepovers are living on the edge….
I’m glad dating is hard
I bet you’re thinking, “That’s an odd approach.” At first blush, it sounds incongruent. But let me explain. My dear friend, the late Art Berg, was one of the best motivational speakers in the world until his death at age 39 in 2002. He wrote several books, was named 1992 Young Entrepreneur of the Year…
Build a relationship bridge one strand at a time
When beginning to date someone you like, your shared experiences connect you together. You’re building a relationship bridge. Each experience creates small strands of the bridge’s supporting cables. The laughs, smiles, gentle touches, kisses, phone calls, emails, and kindnesses are spun into stronger cord. As time goes on, the cord is twisted into rope, then…