Don’t let extra pounds slow you down

A reader wrote:

“I am overweight — not morbidly obese but overweight. I mention in my profile that I am a bit overweight. I have yet to progress from one initial email with anyone. I feel as if it is impossible to get a date with anyone when you are overweight — am I wrong? Should I not mention it and lie like everyone else? This is so frustrating.”

First, I’m glad you’re honest in your profile. I’ve met for coffee too many men who listed themselves as “athletic” or “average” when they were 80 pounds overweight. I think honesty is important.

However, you can safely say “a few extra pounds” in your profile and people know that means 10-30 pounds. If you say “big and beautiful” that usually means over 50 pounds extra.

The best way is to post a recent, full-length pic of you in something that is flattering. Many men have a shape they are attracted to, even if that shape has extra padding.

You ask if it’s impossible to get a date with anyone when you’re overweight. I am a living example that you can — in fact, men will not only go out with you, but will find you attractive and sexy. It’s not so much the pounds, but how you dress to play up your strengths and how you stand and walk. If you move with confidence, many will overlook some larger-than-normal curves.

If you don’t know how to do this, make an appointment with a personal shopper in a store that has your size clothing. Tell her you’re starting to date and buy one outfit in which you feel attractive. Also visit the makeup counter and tell the rep you want a new, updated look as you’re starting to date. Tell your hair stylist you want something that makes you look and feel cute and sexy.

Knowing that some men like larger women, join a site like or You may be surprised by how much attention you get if you post attractive photos.

Don’t let extra pounds get in the way of your dating life. It hasn’t slowed me down and you don’t have to either.

What have you done to not let something you feel could be a liability get in the way of your dating life?


Assessing Your AssetsNeed help realizing why you’d be attractive t a man? Get your copy of Assessing Your Assets: Why You’re A Great Catch.


5 responses to “Don’t let extra pounds slow you down”

  1. Yvette Francino Avatar
    Yvette Francino

    Great advice! I think often it’s the insecurity about weight that is the bigger issue than the weight itself. If someone carries themselves with confidence and a smile, usually it doesn’t matter what they’re body type is… they will be attractive.

  2. Kate Avatar

    I became single just over a year ago and am far from perfect – not trim, and my skin isn’t perfect plus I’m 52. But I posted a flattering picture and have had heaps of contact, and some men on meeting have even said that my photo doesn’t do me justice – I tell you – I initially didn’t think I would get a single contact! I do have a measure of confidence and I’m interesting and have a a great smile – so these are what I focus on…and this is what the men pick up on. It has been a huge learning curve for me. There’s no such thing as the hottest person in the room – everyone is looking for something different. Just look around the couples out there and there are plenty of people in happy relationships even though they may be a bit bigger than normal or considered to be less attractive than normal. Find what you are good at, what you love about yourself (your eyes, your laugh – whatever) and feature those. Lift your head high and go for it!!!!

  3. Amy Schoen Avatar

    Yes, this is so true! Many of my coaching clients are not stick thin and have met their spouses. It’s about who you are inside and how you treat people. Weight is not really a factor. It’s your face, your smile and how you look at the man. So don’t let your sabatour tell you you have to wait until you lose those 20 pounds before you can date. Besides he’s not a model either!

  4. Anna Avatar

    When I was online dating, I found that many men were put off by the fact that I had children at home. Their very first email would be questions about the kid’s ages, and if I mentioned teenagers……..they were off and running. So I re-worded my profile, told the truth, said they were teenagers at home but are very well adjusted kids, not saints and not sinners and that I was not looking for a father for them as I had been both parents successfully to them for so long. But ultimately telling the truth was for the best and there was no point in me wasting MY time going on a coffee date with a guy who would run at the sound of children in my home. In terms of our bodies, we each of us have hang ups and its always a mental hang up. As DG says, make efforts to feel sexy and desirable for yourself and be proud of who you are. When I was widowed first, I had lost a lot of weight and while I was happy enough, I had a few dates with guys who commented on me being too skinny. Men are very visual creatures and by being your confident self you will attract the kind of man YOU want. Take time out to pamper yourself as DG says, new hair do, an outfit that suits you and a good photo of yourself.

  5. Richard Avatar

    “It’s not so much the pounds, but how you dress to play up your strengths and how you stand and walk. ”

    I agree totally. I’m a sucker for a pretty face. Add to that a lady that can dress smart, and she has my attention. FYI: I find the thin ladies tend to be a little more active than my taste.