Handsome men who don’t know it

Good-looking men are nearly always alluring. Some ruin it, however, when you spend time with them. Their good looks have made them arrogant, vain, insensitive and/or jerks. They are used to women treating them well even if they behave badly.

In an episode of “30 Rock” Jon Hamm played a handsome doctor who Tina Fey’s character described as living in a bubble. People bent over backwards for him, but he thought that was how all people were treated. He had no idea that the generosity he experienced wasn’t commonplace.

Other men use their good looks to manipulate others. Some are con artists, exemplified memorably by Brad Pitt’s character in “Thelma and Louise.” Not only did he seduce Geena Davis’ character, but he took all her money afterward.

So it’s refreshing when a good-looking man doesn’t know he is. He’s not so stunningly gorgeous that women throw themselves after him. But he’s handsome enough that you are happy to be seen on his arm.

I had a few dates recently with a man who was incredulous when I told him he was handsome. I don’t think it was false modesty, but he didn’t have the experience of women fawning over him. His humility, of course, increased his attractiveness.

Handsome men who don’t know it are the best beaus. You don’t have to pretend you find him attractive, yet if he doesn’t see himself through your eyes he’s appreciative of your perspective. Instead of taking your compliments for granted, “Yes, I am good looking,” he humbly thanks you.

Have you dated a handsome man who didn’t know it? How was the experience?


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9 responses to “Handsome men who don’t know it”

  1. Ronnie Ann Ryan - The Dating Coach Avatar

    Dating Goddess – I agree! Handsome men who haven’t been fawned over are a great find. My husband is like that. To me, he is adorable and this has been reiterated by many a friend. Even some of my Mom’s friends at our wedding told me how cute he is. Yet, Paul is completely unaware. I do tell him at times when he makes me mad, that he’s lucky he’s so cute – then we laugh and move on. Finding love after 40 is completely possible – I did it, many of my clients have done it and I know you can too!

  2. Yvette Francino Avatar

    I agree. A huge turnoff to me is arrogance. I’ve known some very good-looking men who quite obviously know it and act like they’re God’s gift to women. I had one guy from match.com respond to my email of interest saying:

    “Are you fat? And I mean even a pooch belly? I’m the hottest guy on this site so I can afford to be picky.”

    I kid you not! Needless to say, I decided he was the last person on earth I’d want to date, despite my poochless belly.

    On the other hand, men who are cute and humble are adorable. I think most of them know they’re handsome, but they don’t flaunt it and they make you feel wonderful with their smile.

  3. Lisa Avatar

    I think everyone must have some idea of where they fall on the attractiveness scale. Not everyone is drawn to the same look. It has been said that people are drawn to people of similar looks and that many couples could pass for brother or sister. I guess the GQ type might be drawn to the Cosmo type and they can be self-centered together!

    Yvette, your “fat” comment is funny. Having done match.com too, I am always aghast at the men who so rudely declare in their profiles things like, “I don’t date dogs”– or “fatsos”, etc. Who are these men that they openly write such stuff?? I guess it goes back to the allure of manners and socialbility. Meanwhile, their picture looks like a mug shot from the police station! Once again, who are these men???!!

  4. Sarah Avatar

    I agree, but the same can be said for hot women. Many of them are arrogant and let’s not talk about manipulative!

  5. maria rose Avatar
    maria rose

    good looking and humble ? Hard to find i know one good looking guy who was so mistreated by women throwing themselves at him (you know the use and lose them trick) that he has swore off all permanent relationships, we are good friends but he is not for the long term commit. I want to know why this behavior is tolerated yet if you are nice you are left on the wayside for the so called greener pastures. I believe that all successful relationships don’t include manipulation

  6. Anna Avatar

    Over the years I came to find that the majority of handsome men (those that know it) are just so selfish and self centered that I slowly began to find them not a bit alluring to me. When I did date online, I stayed well away from the handsome guys……….knowing in advance what would happen. Most likely I would fall for one and end up being treated badly. My antenna stayed on alert. But perhaps I may have missed the odd one that was handsome and did not know it 🙂 However for the most part their profiles revealed that they did know it. Very off putting.

  7. Queen of Relationships Avatar

    I would much rather date someone that doesn’t know their cute than the opposite. Hell, I’d rather date someone that wasn’t as cute as the next than date someone who was cuter than most. Handsome men that know it are usually cocky and personally, it’s unattractive and most of their heads are so far up their ass that they have no idea that their diluting their hotness due to their …well, hotness.

  8. Ana Avatar

    My current boyfriend is handsome yet doesn’t know it and he is the most endearing guy ever. Whenever I compliment him he kind of smiles and blushes. It’s really cute, actually.

  9. KYLA Avatar

    a man I met on a online dating was definitely unaware of how gorgeous he was… it is so attractive to know a man like this. Most are pompous!