These words were uttered by my neighbor’s 16-year-old daughter as we were discussing dating. The three of us were sharing the nice things men we dated had done for us when she blurted this out. I was surprised, as I didn’t think any of the examples we shared would be considered signs of a man being whipped.
“What’s your definition of ‘whipped’?” I asked.
“A guy who won’t make a decision on his own. Who always gives in to the girl. My sister’s boyfriend is like that. I don’t like it.”
“I don’t blame you.”
“When a guy won’t stand up to his girlfriend, he’s whipped. I want a guy who has his own opinions and thinks for himself, not always looking to me.”
“I agree with you. While compromise is important for both people, you have to start with you both having your own opinion. However, sometimes I find I don’t have a strong preference, so I’m willing to acquiesce, and sometimes it’s he who doesn’t feel strongly so capitulates to my way.”
She got me thinking about the difference between whipped, wussy, amiable, and compromising. Some feel these are all pretty close on the amicable to combative continuum. While I like to hang out with someone who’s agreeable, if he doesn’t make his preferences known or doesn’t disagree about anything, then I feel I am railroading him. I can be the “team leader” and make decisions for both of us, but frankly it is a lot of work and I prefer to share the load.
Where do you like your man to be on the continuum? Do you like men more on the milk toast end of the spectrum or more toward dominant? Or where in between?
And where would you place yourself on this continuum? On the submissive end or the domineering end? Not in an S & M sort of way, but just in how you live your life. And maybe you’re different in your personal life than in your professional life. It’s important to know so you can find a match who compliments you.
I dated a man briefly who told me he wanted a woman who would surrender to him. He said, “I don’t want her to be submissive, but to surrender.” When I asked him to explain the difference, he said, “I want a woman who will do what I want no matter if she wants to or not.” I said, “That sounds like submissive to me.” He also said if we were with other people I was not ever to disagree with anything he said. I wondered if he could spell “control.” Needless to say, that does not describe what I was looking for, so we soon parted ways.
Technorati Tags: dating Internet, dating online, senior dating, bbw dating, mature dating, dating over 50, dating over 40, online dating advice, dating after 40, dating after 50, over 40 dating, 40+ dating, dating after forty