“I don’t want a whipped boyfriend”

whipped creamThese words were uttered by my neighbor’s 16-year-old daughter as we were discussing dating. The three of us were sharing the nice things men we dated had done for us when she blurted this out. I was surprised, as I didn’t think any of the examples we shared would be considered signs of a man being whipped.

“What’s your definition of ‘whipped’?” I asked.

“A guy who won’t make a decision on his own. Who always gives in to the girl. My sister’s boyfriend is like that. I don’t like it.”

“I don’t blame you.”

“When a guy won’t stand up to his girlfriend, he’s whipped. I want a guy who has his own opinions and thinks for himself, not always looking to me.”

“I agree with you. While compromise is important for both people, you have to start with you both having your own opinion. However, sometimes I find I don’t have a strong preference, so I’m willing to acquiesce, and sometimes it’s he who doesn’t feel strongly so capitulates to my way.”

She got me thinking about the difference between whipped, wussy, amiable, and compromising. Some feel these are all pretty close on the amicable to combative continuum. While I like to hang out with someone who’s agreeable, if he doesn’t make his preferences known or doesn’t disagree about anything, then I feel I am railroading him. I can be the “team leader” and make decisions for both of us, but frankly it is a lot of work and I prefer to share the load.

Where do you like your man to be on the continuum? Do you like men more on the milk toast end of the spectrum or more toward dominant? Or where in between?

And where would you place yourself on this continuum? On the submissive end or the domineering end? Not in an S & M sort of way, but just in how you live your life. And maybe you’re different in your personal life than in your professional life. It’s important to know so you can find a match who compliments you.

I dated a man briefly who told me he wanted a woman who would surrender to him. He said, “I don’t want her to be submissive, but to surrender.” When I asked him to explain the difference, he said, “I want a woman who will do what I want no matter if she wants to or not.” I said, “That sounds like submissive to me.” He also said if we were with other people I was not ever to disagree with anything he said. I wondered if he could spell “control.” Needless to say, that does not describe what I was looking for, so we soon parted ways.

Technorati Tags:,,,,,,,, , , , ,

Got a topic on dating after 40 you want Dating Goddess to address? Send your issue to Goddess@DatingGoddess.com.




2 responses to ““I don’t want a whipped boyfriend””

  1. Bookyone Avatar

    Hi DG,

    Interesting topic. I have been with both types of guys, the control freak type and the super submissive type and I have to say that while I prefer a guy who is more on the submissive side, (as I believe likes attract and tend to stay together in the long run), I don’t want a doormat either. To me, a 50-50 split with regard to decision making and consideration for the other person’s feelings is the ideal.

    Best wishes from bookyone 🙂

  2. NYSharon Avatar

    I like someone who expresses an opinion. I do like a man who makes the effort to research and pick a place for dinner on the first date. It is uncomfortable for me to pick when I don’t know him that well and what his financial situation is. A man who takes some planning initiative is sexy to me. And of course gets input on what I prefer.:)