She is not alone. This is many women’s philosophy. She says she is too busy to spend time with someone she doesn’t think she might marry.
I understand her point of view. Dating takes time. I, too, have cut off dating someone I knew wasn’t a match. It wouldn’t be fair to him to lead him on.
On the other hand, I’ve had dates with men who I wasn’t sure were a match or not. Sometimes you know on the first date it’s not a match. But sometimes you don’t know until after the second, third, or additional dates.
In fact, I’ve gone out with men who were a nanosecond away from receiving my “Thanks, but no thanks” message, but something compelled me to write a more thoughtful note. If he responded positively with why he thought we could be a good match, I might be convinced to continue the correspondence, perhaps progressing to a phone call and maybe an eventual date. Some of these nanosecond-away-from-being-deleted guys have turned out to be treasures as pals.
And some of those nearly deleted guys have ended up as beaus. I’ve found you just don’t know if the connection is there until you meet someone. Although, sometimes you know in email or the phone if they are paranoid, sex-focused, foul-mouthed, angry, manipulative, self-focused, poor conversationalists or have other deal-breaking habits. Then there’s no need to meet. But if all lights are green, why not meet and see if they stay green, or if yellow or red flashes?
A guy pal said he sometimes continued dating someone he knew wasn’t a match because they liked some of the same activities. In his mind, someone, even a not-long-term match, was better than experiencing pastimes alone. This could be okay as long as you both agree you aren’t a long-term match, and that your seeing each other casually doesn’t slow down your search for a long-term mate.
Where do you stand on this? Do you only want to date someone you think has long-term potential? Or will you date more than a few times someone you know isn’t a good match?