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A few weeks ago on “Private Practice” two colleagues decided to take their sexual chemistry to the “friends with benefits” level. However, when in the bedroom ready to commence, she couldn’t go through with it, claiming that sex together would cheapen their relationship.
She exclaims, “I’m not just some girl you met on the Internet.”
In other words, she’s saying that Internet dating sites are the equivalent to hookup sites — prostitution without payment. Easy sex. Women who list themselves on the sites must be loose.
Hmmm.
I suppose this perception by some has made Internet dating seem tawdry to them, or just for the desperate with few other choices. For losers or the promiscuous.
This does explain, however, how quickly some men have come on to me. I am not a hot babe, wearing revealing come-hither attire. But some men have acted like first-date sex is the norm. Or even second-date sex.
Is it that the anonymousness allows people to pursue their most basic needs — sex — with impunity? For many — especially those in midlife — Internet dating has replaced the bar scene. In their youth it might have been common to go to a club and hook up with someone for the night. Or for many, that’s what their friends did, even if they weren’t successful at it. So now instead of a bar, they have a drink date and see where it leads. They hope it leads to the bedroom, if enough drinks are imbibed. So what if he has to spring for a $50 dinner. What a small price for a quick roll in the hay! Less than a hooker and he didn’t have to drive through the scary part of town.
Have you noticed that men you meet on the Internet have an expectation of sex earlier than men you meet through other methods? If so, why do you think the expectation is different?
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Comments
10 responses to ““I’m not just some girl you met on the Internet””
That’s just plain stupid. Whoever wrote that line has no clue about how mainstream online dating is now. It would’ve made more sense for the character to have said “some girl you met on Craigslist” as opposed to “met on the Internet” because Craigslist is definitely a place for hookups. But I guess the producers or ABC didn’t want to have a lawsuit on their hands for naming a specific company. Private Practice, by the way, is a horrible spin-off. I’ve seen two episodes but something is a little off in that show. Something is missing. It’s nowhere near as enjoyable as Grey’s Anatomy.
I think it depends on the dating site. I’ve heard mostly good things about a couple of the more maistream places. But then other sites, the ones that are more alternative especially or the ones that are affiliated with the back pages of magazines, they really are just hook up sites most of the time.
Online dating sites are like just real life night clubs and restaurants. Some of them are nice places where mostly better quality people circulate. But some of them are nothing but a meat markets. Where you hang out will somewhat determine what type of person you meet, what they’ll expect of you, and how you’ll be treated.
Where else will one find a 50 year old to date, but on the internet? Lets face it many women do not need men and the bar scene is way behind them. Everyone has jobs and a life pattern that makes them introverted to an extent. And its not that fun going to a bar and seeing a crowd made up of your daughters!
When we all go out…think about it….subtract the times that your outing is with family and there is little time left for searching for that special one. So, the internet is a wonderful place. It is what you make it to be.
Dave
hi dave,
where do you live? i’m in the chicago area.
christine
Funny that my daughter thinks it odd that I met my gf online, yet complains that she has trouble finding good guys to go out with, even though she’s a very attractive young woman. Claims she would never ‘resort’ to internet dating, yet is impressed with the quality of character of my sweetie. Funny generation.
There is a notion that woman who profile online are desperate. My philosophy is that some men think if we are older and experienced we will take any opportunity to get laid. Especially if the man thinks he is a catch. They can keep reaching in to the pool and eventually get lucky. Unfortunately some woman thinks that it is the start of something and he never calls again since he found a new contact.
Yes DG, it has happened to me many times when I was online and is what turned me off to it. Even when they say they are looking for a long term relationship. It was obvious by date 2 on several occasions that it was all about the sex connection. This has happened even with men when we discovered we knew people in common.
Rodney> it all depends on what type of area you live in and your age range (more choices). I think in big cities it is much easier and common to do online. It is not so anonymous in lower populated areas. I live in a suburban county in the Hudson Valley and there is a notion that you, as a female, are desperate and looking if you post on a site (especially if it is visible to non members). I work in the criminal justice field and that makes me feel even more vulnerable. I worried walking through the waiting room or into the court room and offenders there had seen my profile. At 50 I really wouldn’t get any responses unless I posted my picture. Thus, my dilemma.
I’ve READ many complaints from women that men on online sites are just looking for sex, yet in my real life it seems that all the women I know are finding long-term relationships online. I know 3 women in their 40’s who found the men they’ve been with for 1-3 years online (all on match.com, BTW). A week ago I was at a party, and an attractive late 30’s couple came in, and I was told “they’re living together now. They met on match.com.” Sooooo, one can’t help but wonder whether it is something about the complainers that causes them to find only men looking for sex on the internet, rather than the medium itself.
Hey Walt,
It takes some weeding and screening I suppose. It is something that you probably get better at with practice.
Concur that PP is a bad GA knock-off directed at a slightly older audience. Of course, GA had spiralled down to the lowest common denominator last season…
But, yes, it does seem than an unusually high percentage of online men are indeed just using it as a more-efficient tool to get laid- and likely for less than a ‘working girl’.
It doesn’t help that many of the females they hook-up with on the less-reputable sites with a purely sexual focus are professional/executive material in their ‘real life’- because they then get the impression ALL professional women are ‘like that’ under the conservative work clothing, and proceed to behave with aggressive disrespect on real honest meetings and dates!
And a very VERY high percentage of our younger generation are too cynical and distrustful to believe ANY good fish are in the Internet Sea- and thus those NOT looking for just a hook-up or an older man willing to shower them with money view with disdain and disgust the concept of posting a profile.
The thing is with online dating is that a lot of women are looking for serious, long-term relationships and the men are looking to get laid or simply using those dating websites as a hobby or “ego boost” if nothing else. I’ve written about this a lot on this site and others about how the media has portrayed these supposedly “legitimate” dating sites as the ideal way for meeting your match. I consider it to be false advertising of the worst kind. Very few of the sites do any background checks on the subscribers. So, you might get a married guy, a criminal or any number of other unsuitable qualities that don’t quite fit the profile of “dating material”. It’s a crap shoot at best.
When I was doing online dating, I did have an approx. 3 week relationship with a guy who lived about an hour away from me. He clearly was more interested in sex than in getting to know me (looking back). Thankfully, he never got that far with me, but I was led to believe that he was interested in me as a person as well and I was foolish enough to believe that the reason he wanted a 2nd or 3rd date was because he felt enough chemistry and interest to pursue it further. He didn’t and I was able to see how selfish this man was later. However, I felt bad for a long time afterwards because I kept thinking I had done something wrong. I hadn’t. I had shown him real interest and I let him know that I didn’t do casual sex. He seemed to respect the fact that I wasn’t “easy” but he was another one who didn’t know what the hell he wanted. I doubt that he’s ever found his perfect woman. It was a sad chapter in my life because I was boiled over by the attention in the beginning & I felt used even though there was no sex involved.
There are so many stories where things end badly with online dating. I doubt that I will ever try it again, even if my current relationship eventually ends. I never felt desperate during the time I was on match or yahoopersonals, but I did feel led on, lied to, and otherwise disrespected by the behavior of most of the men I met or corresponded with. So, players seemed to be a big portion of the guys I saw. I’d like to believe that romance can prevail for someone, but I think there are far more horror stories than true life commercials where the couple met via e-harmony. Life just isn’t that easy for most people.