Many women refer to their perfect man as Prince Charming. We want someone who is likable and knows what to say to get along with others. But charm can also be shallow, knowing what to say without really meaning it. And he could be charming to others but lose that capacity with you. I grew up with someone like that — he was charming to strangers but mean to family members.
A man I’m seeing and I were talking about what we liked about each other. I told him how much I appreciated his thoughtfulness and generosity with me. He said, “I’ve never considered myself a Prince Charming. I try to be more of a Prince Considerate. I work to be thoughtful of others.” And he is. I think Prince Considerate is more sustaining for a relationship.
A Prince Considerate, based on the few I’ve had first-hand experience with, is prone to:
- Call regularly to just say he’s thinking of you, or see how you’re doing. (My PC calls regularly and IMs at least once a day.)
- Buy you small gifts to show he knows what you like and that he cares about you. (At the movies he excused himself and brought back chocolate for me.)
- Do thoughtful things for you spontaneously. (My PC regularly gives me foot massages while we’re chatting on the couch, or shoulder massages while we’re waiting in line at the movies.)
- Be thoughtful of others. (He brought a bottle of wine for our Halloween party hosts, as well as a high-quality chocolate bar for me!)
- Consider what you like to do. (Knowing I like to see houses decorated for Halloween, he scheduled an hour’s walk in a fun neighborhood near our dinner restaurant so we could enjoy the decorated houses. And he told me ahead of time to wear comfortable walking shoes!)
- Think through how a suggested activity would be for you. (I explained this in “Is your date sensitive to your comfort?“)
- Learn your routines and plan around your regular activities. (PC knows what evenings I Jazzercise so suggests getting together afterwards or on other evenings.)
- Listen to your stories and remember what’s going on in your life, and even your friends’ names. (PC knows I’m going to India and Singapore for January, so suggests movies and restaurants to help acclimate me.)
So, which would you rather have, a Prince Charming or a Prince Considerate (for this discussion, you can’t have both in the same guy)? Why?
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