My friend George, a long-time dater and avowed bachelor until he met his soulmate 18 months ago, had a printed dating disclaimer. He says he made women read it before he slept with them. He says, “I know it’s bizarre, but I wanted them to know what they were in for.”
What was in his disclaimer? Here’s what it said:
As we take another step forward…
To avoid any possibility of you feeling misled in the future, I want to offer some “full disclosure” on several points. You may well think this is way premature, and I agree. I just want you to know up front what’s up with me. If you find something below that you don’t like about me, you can bail right now. I’m completely open to talking about anything. If you have questions, ask away. I have no sensitive areas.
My very favorite store is Costco and I go there frequently. I’m not likely to ever become a Nordstrom repeat customer. Most of what I wear and eat comes from Costco. If the chic “Kirkland” brand turns you off, well, you should know I’m not likely to stop shopping there, and that I even get a little thrill each time I even drive past a Costco.
I told you that I have 99% integrity and that I would always let you know if I were in the 1% zone. Well, I’m 53, not 49 as I showed in my profile. It may well make a difference to you that I’m “in my fifties” or that I did tell this one lie. If so, I completely understand. The fact is that there’s quite a stigma attached to being “in your fifties.” I don’t feel 50, I don’t act 50, people say I don’t look 50, but I am “in my fifties.” There’s absolutely not one single other fact or statement that has come up during our “getting acquainted” process that is untrue. Nor will there be.
In case there is any lingering possible remote teeny thought in your mind that you’d like to be with a man who might start a family with you some time in the distant future, you should know that I’ve had a vasectomy. It’s certainly not that I thought you might be trying to trick me into fathering a child. It’s just that I know some women have secret lingering maternal urges and I don’t want you to waste any time with me if that’s something you would like in your future.
If your true aim is to find a man who will court you, propose to you, and then marry you, I’m probably not a good bet. I look upon life as a series of fascinating adventures. I’ve had great relationships in the past with spectacular friends and lovers.
Sometimes relationships with girlfriends have gone sour when it becomes clear that I’m not really looking for a marriage partner or life-mate. I don’t rule out that possibility forever, and at the same time I just don’t see it in my medium-term future.
I like friends and lovers to have some mutual financial involvement in their relationships. I’m not one of those “old fashioned guys” who would be insulted if you picked up the tab for coffee now and then. I have no financial shortage, and it’s not the amount involved that matters to me. If we go out for some lavish feast and I pay, and later you buy an iced tea, I consider that “even.” I don’t ever need for you to “keep up” with me in dollar terms. You should know, though, that I don’t like it when I buy everything. Just pay for coffee now and then and I’m happy. I don’t like feeling that I’m on a one-way street.
I’m an agnostic. Various people have different interpretations of what that means. Webster’s my authority: a person who holds the view that any ultimate reality (as God) is unknown and prob. unknowable; broadly: one who is not committed to believing in either the existence or the nonexistence of God or a god.
That’s exactly how I see things. The “spiritual” interpretation I have of the world is abhorrent to many with conventional religious views. It would be intellectually arrogant of me to insist that my view is right, and that Catholics or Muslims or anybody else is wrong. I don’t know about God, and I don’t think anybody does or can know. Generally speaking, scientific, rational, Darwinian theorems always carry the most weight with me.
In my whole life, I have never been unfaithful to a girlfriend or wife. During this odd online dating process, I imagine that both of us will be meeting a variety of people. One thing I will not ever do is put you in a situation where your health is at any risk. Oh, by the way, I’m in perfect health in every respect including sexual health. In the last year, I’ve had intercourse with two girlfriends, and have had a complete blood test prior to being that intimate, and insisted that my lover did, too. I’m ultra cautious about my health.
Should it happen that we eventually become intimate, you should know that I’m not one of those Neanderthal caveman types who just wants to grunt and screw (sorry). I care more about touching, caressing, tasting, kissing, and laughing. I was a hippie type guy in the 1970s and have lingering tendencies. Nudity and the beautiful human body don’t bother me in the least. I’ve had a girlfriend with a mastectomy, one with secret piercings, and so on. I’m not scared of that stuff. And I like giving massages as much as receiving.
Just about nothing embarrasses me or makes me want to change the topic. You can ask me anything and I’ll give you a completely candid answer. Or, I’ll tell you that my answer isn’t truthful, like the age deal. Ask what you want to know. I didn’t write this to avoid talking to you about these things, but to stimulate talking about them. I want to be sure you’re fully informed about me.
So, what should I know about you along these lines?
What do you think? How would you feel receiving this? And if you were to create a disclaimer/disclosure, what would you put in it?