Shopping for men

Dating life can be brutal. You make an effort to look nice (I call it getting “dated up”) to meet someone new, then he either doesn’t contact you afterwards, tells you he’s not attracted to you or there’s none of that elusive “chemistry.” You have to have perseverance and hope that someone for you is right around the corner — or in the next email.

I’ve found dating to be a lot like clothes shopping. First, you have to shop where you know there is a large pool of prospects, which is why people shop at malls. When I conduct an online search, I call it “shopping for men.” On the best dating sites, you can search by important criteria (e.g., age, height, location, income, education, smoking/non-smoking, even activity level). Just like clothes shopping, you know the size, colors and style you want.

And just like clothes shopping, you have to look at LOTS of possibilities, even when you’ve narrowed it down to a certain brand and size. It is easy to get frustrated.

After a day of shopping with no buys, do you say “There are no good clothes out there?” Or “All the good clothes are taken!” Or “All the clothes I looked at are losers. I’m giving up.” No! How silly.

Would you ever consider stopping shopping? No! You keep shopping because you have hope that you’ll find something you’ll love. That will be comfortable and fit and you’ll feel great in. Same with guys.

However, it can get wearisome going on a bunch of dates with guys who on paper seem a good match, but in person there’s no spark. You can doubt your attractiveness, or think you are too picky. If you find no one you can entertain the possibility of going out again with, then perhaps it is time to reassess your criteria.

For example, I thought I must have a college graduate. Then I dated a delightful gentleman who didn’t complete college as he was recruited to be a CEO while in college. He is very bright, but was tapped before completing his degree. I then found other fun men who were successful despite not having a degree.

Did I “settle” for less by lowering my criteria to allow for those who didn’t complete college? I don’t think so. If you’re having a hard time in your shopping activities, consider if some of your criteria could be altered.