Video vetting

“I will only date a woman who video chats” my tech-savvy friend declared.

“What if she is like me, and doesn’t video chat because no one looks good webcasting?”

“It would take a lot for me to want to start dating a woman who doesn’t do video.”

“Some of us are too vain!”

“Let me ask you this: would video chatting have prevented you from wasting a lot of time talking to men who, when you met them, looked nothing like their pictures?”

“Of course. There are those who post only pictures from decades ago.”

“And when you met them, didn’t you wonder about their judgment to post decades-old pics, but not recent ones, thinking they still looked like that?”


“Did any of those men who didn’t match their pics ever make it beyond a coffee date?”


“There you have it!”

“However, I will also say I’ve eliminated men who one-way video chatted with me because they let their hair down, so to speak. Maybe I was being too picky.”

“Or maybe you were saving yourself several hours of meeting someone who would go nowhere.”

“But no one looks good on video chat! The lighting is bad, the angle is bad. I don’t want to have to do my hair and makeup every time someone wants to video chat!”

“But look at the time it would save you from meeting up with men who aren’t appealing!”

I guess my friend is right. But I’m still not keen on suggesting it. I’ve had men ask me if I’ll video chat and I’ve always declined. Some of them have chatted one way, which is a little odd. It’s not too bad if you’ve already met and have an idea of what they look like in person.

What do you think about video chatting before meeting? Good idea or bad?

For more info on ways to determine if you should meet, get your copy of Check Him Out Before Going Out: Head Off Dud Dates,


5 responses to “Video vetting”

  1. Karen Avatar

    Hmm! I always figured the “let’s video chat” guys were all just pervs, so I’ve used this request as a red flag to instantly drop them. My online pics are honest and recent–that’s going to have to be enough until we meet. Because lots of guys online never want to meet–they’re either married or just out to get their jollies a bit by chatting with women online–not even serious enough to try to meet anyone.

    I still think you have to meet in person to address chemistry. I personally think the way a man moves and walks is extremely critical and you can’t assess that in a video anyway.

    I did try video chat briefly with one long-term BF who actually lived in another city so we only saw each other every couple weeks or so. Just talking, I refused to do anything else on camera! It was supposed to be more intimate than just the phone, but I found it to be was way less so. Talking on the phone is contemplative and it’s easy to feel a connection. Talking to a bloated and greenish-looking guy who I hardly recognized in a box on my computer? Weird and off-putting, plus I was wondering all the time if I also looked like myself.

    I agree that no one looks good on video–well, maybe professional actors or maybe con artists.

  2. Patti Avatar

    I Skype video dated a guy for 3 weeks while I was on holidays – figures I”d meet an American living in Canada while I was on holidays in the USA.

    It was pretty intense, at least 1-2 hours per day, so you think you’d know someone when you finally meet them in person?


    It’s close but it’s still no substitute for the in-person live meeting, especially when you’re spending a few hours together, it’s quite different, as the guy turned out to be a workaholic introvert, quite different from his online personality.

    Also in his case, he over promised and under delivered big time! So don’t fall for the big feet, big hands and big talk…….. it can lead to BIG disappointments!

  3. Anna Avatar

    A male (married) colleague of mine a couple of years ago shared with me that he is active online on dating sites and video chats with women. He justified this as not cheating on his wife as he never gets to the point where he meets up with the women. I asked him did he reveal himself to be married and he laughed. Basically he does this for kicks, and to be able to flirt with women. Not a nice sort but every time a guy asked to chat with me or skype me, I thought of him and thought NO. If a man or woman is serious about meeting someone online, they will take that time to meet you in person, even if it ends up as only one coffee date. I consider myself worth that effort, at the very least. And likewise, want to give a man the same opportunity.

  4. Mark Avatar

    Email, chat, phone calls, video chats — it’s all just conjecture until you meet in person. You can like someone and be attracted to them through the email and chats and then meet and there’s nothing there, no spark.

    In other words, do the minimum vetting you need to do through online stuff, and then go ahead and meet for coffee. There’s no point in investing a lot of time emailing and chatting when the first in-person meeting is impossible to predict.

  5. Julie Avatar

    Yes, just meet face to face. Don’t invest too much time or thought in to anyone until ya meet. I recommend to keep this very simple idea in mind… if you find yourself over analzying this part of dating… go back to this mantra.. Don’t invest too much time or thought in to anyone until ya meet. Getting fixed up to go out to meet them is part of the process, too……………..