Often men say they are romantic in their online dating profiles. I’ve learned this means different things to different people. One may think that calling every day is romantic, while the other is expecting regular cards, letters, and candle-lit dinners.
It seems men and women often have different concepts of romance. This is so common, my friend Greg Godek has spawned an empire writing books on how to be romantic starting with 1001 Ways to Be Romantic. I’m not sure how many men read these books, or if they are just purchased by their mates and left in obvious places where she hopes he’ll read a few pages.
I’ve thought that any man truly interested in a woman he’s met online would move to the head of the queue if he brought just a single red rose to the first date. Corny? Perhaps. But I think men underestimate how such a gesture endears him to her. In fact, I think generally men underestimate how flowers of any kind melt most women’s hearts. I’ve only received flowers from two men out of 68 — one bouquet on a first date and an arrangement on my 50th birthday.
One evening while talking to a man I hadn’t met yet although we’ve spent hours on the phone, I mentioned I hadn’t had dinner. He said if he lived closer, he’d come fix me dinner or take me out. Later I thought it would be romantic if in that situation again, a guy called my local Chinese restaurant and had something delivered.
Or, again in a situation where we haven’t met yet, but are getting close by phone, wouldn’t it be heart-melting for him to send flowers? What would it cost — $25? — probably what he spent on lunch with pals. But the benefits would be many times greater than the cost.
As I discussed in “Instead of roses, he gives you ..lingerie,” some men think romance includes gifts and doing things for the woman he’s wanting to woo. This can be great — if they are gifts the woman appreciates. And I think women also show affection by doing things she thinks her guy will like.
How do women show romance? I think women are more prone to light candles, draw bubble baths, send greeting cards and chill champagne glasses. Early in our courtship, I brought my ex flowers — something he said no other woman had ever done. After years of marriage, I put little love notes in his jacket and slacks’ pockets when he was packing for a trip. He opened them throughout his trip when he put his hand in a different outfit’s pocket. When we were attending a formal affair, I always bought him a boutonnière, as I had within days of our meeting when we attended our first formal event together.
What do you do for your man that you think is romantic? What do you like to receive that you think is romantic?