“When can I meet your kids?”

I have never asked a guy this. However, a woman recently shared that she asks this on the first date. Additionally she asks, “When would you be comfortable meeting mine, and each others’ friends?”

Even though I don’t have kids, I know how protective most people are of theirs and introducing them to people they’re dating. Most don’t want to parade a bunch of dates by their kids, but instead want to only introduce them to each other after dating someone for a while.

My pal feels differently. She says her teenaged daughter is comfortable meeting her dates early on, and she knows a man cares about her if he introduces his kids to her. If a man balks or says it will take 6 months, she doesn’t see him again. She says that’s just too long. It limits when they can see each other to when he doesn’t have his kids.

Since this isn’t an issue for me, I asked some dating moms what they thought. Most agreed that asking about when to meet the kids was not an appropriate first-date question. The consensus was also that kid meeting generally happens after a few months of exclusive dating.

I don’t ask to meet the kids — even if they are grown. I figure a man knows when he wants this to happen and will bring it up when he does. I’m not in a hurry so I let it evolve organically.

If you have kids, how long do you need to date someone before you introduce them to each other? If you don’t have children, when would you expect to be introduced? Do you ask to meet his kids?

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2 responses to ““When can I meet your kids?””

  1. Bruce Daley Avatar

    As a rule, I don’t introduce my kids to my dates. When I have broken this rule one of two things happens, either the kids become attached and ask me when we are going to get married, or they don’t like my date at all and discourage the relationship. One interesting compromise is to introduce everyone all together – my kids, her kids, her, and me. Then we can go on a collective date and see how the dynamics play out.

  2. Rachel Sarah Avatar

    You go Bruce! And thanks for the important questions Dating Goddess.

    As a single mom for 5+ years, I wish I could say that I have some hard-and-fast rules about The Man Meeting My Kid. But mostly, I go by instinct. As Bruce pointed out — very smart! — if you do let The Date meet your kids, make it a kid-friendly event — as well as short and sweet. I’ve planned a little activity that’s focused around something my daughter will love, like getting ice cream or going to the playground. That way, the focus is on her — and not the Man.