They are like forbidden foods when we are on a diet. They pull us toward them, no matter how much self-control we try to have. We work to resist, but their beckoning becomes too much for us. We succumb to their wiles.
What is it about bad boys — who are, of course, really midlife men — that is so irresistible to some? Intellectually, you know they are certain trouble. They will say and do the things that melt you. You quickly give them your heart on a silver platter: “Here it is — my heart. Take it. I offer it willingly.” Even if you’ve seen signs that he won’t protect it, you serve it to him with little, if any, hesitation.
Is it that they’ve learned how to address your surface emotional needs? They say all the right things, “Don’t ever change. You are perfect the way you are.” “I see us together for a long, long time.” “Where have you been all my life?” “You’re someone I can take home to my mother. She’ll love you.” “You make me very happy.” “I’m afraid I’m falling for you.” I even had one say on the phone to his sister when I walked into the room, “Your future sister-in-law just came in.”
It’s not just their words. It’s their touch, their kiss, how they look at you, with that look that says they are really, really, really into you. It’s the pheromones — that chemistry thing, but it’s like love potion mixed with steroids.
Are we so needy to hear sweet things that we overlook the parts that aren’t good? We want to be in love so desperately that we ignore the clear signs he isn’t emotionally mature or available? We aren’t fully emotionally available ourselves so we choose guys who will leave us in the dust as quickly as they stole our hearts? Is it low self-esteem, even when we have high self-esteem in many other areas?
What is it that is so alluring? Have they figured out how to hypnotize us? They know what many women want from a man? That they can love us and leave us and we’ll still long for them to return with open arms?
What’s your theory — or experience — with the temptations of bad boys? Why do we fall for them so readily? Even when we’re at midlife and know better?
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