You love working out. You are proud of your taut, fit body. You feel poorly if you don’t exercise for a day. You have made this a priority in your life.
How do you feel if you have a coffee date with someone who may not share your zest for exercise? Do you dismiss him summarily, even if he has a viable excuse like a recent injury or surgery? Perhaps he’s not obese, but clearly isn’t an exercise fiend. Do you bid him adieu, or give him a little slack, thinking you can include hikes, walks, dancing and other physical activities in future dates to help him get in shape?
I am on the other side of this scenario. Frequently I receive emails from men whose profiles wax on about their everyday fitness regimen, perhaps accompanied by pics of their shirtless, buff selves. I am intimidated by these guys, thinking they will reject my midlife-looking body, which gets regular exercise, but has not been whipped into bathing-suit form.
So if a gym rat, marathon runner, century-riding cyclist or mountain climber inquires, I may respond, but not enthusiastically. I am afraid of a repeat of that horrible feeling when you first meet someone and you can see on his face he’s disappointed. A perfunctory, requisite 20-minute coffee chat ensues, sometimes painfully, as you know you’re marking time until one of you excuses him/herself gracefully.
What if a buff babe wants to keep seeing you and you know you’re not his equal when it’s time to reveal all? Do you put off the event as long as possible until you’re sure he won’t be repelled by your less-than-taut thighs — or other body parts that have been shifted by gravity? Or do you talk about your different fitness levels and invite him to do physical activities that will help you become more fit — even if you know it will be a lower pace than he’s used to?
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Hey there! I’ve been following your posts for a short time now and as a middle-aged woman (54) re-entering the dating world after decades, I have to say that you’ve managed to speak to many of my concerns, this being one them! At my age, nothing on me is saluting the sun even though I’m very slender, but I’m okay with it. I wear shorts, I wear swimsuits and although I don’t look like Kate Moss or Pamela Anderson I feel pretty good about myself. Maybe that’s because I know there’s so much more to me than a firm bod? I’ve met men whose focus is on their abs, pecs, delts and other abbreviated body parts and I find that often, there’s not a whole lot else going on with these guys. I don’t mean to generalize but this has been my experience.
So, while I wouldn’t write someone off who sent me a picture of his sixpack, some red flags would go off and my interest wouldn’t be as high as it would be in someone who seemed more well-rounded (no pun intended).