These terms are often used interchangeably. However, I see a difference. Assessing is when you notice things about him. He’s 6-feet tall, blue eyed, with dark curly hair. He has a little paunch, slouches, and interrupts often. He makes eye contact and speaks clearly. Judging is when you put a value on what you see….
Dating after 40
Are you date sated — or hungry?
Sate: satisfy (a desire or an appetite) to the full; supply (someone) with as much as or more of something than is desired or can be managed. You know not to grocery shop when you are hungry as you’ll be tempted to take home things that aren’t really good for you. The same is true…
Expressing your upset with your guy
When conflict occurs in a personal relationship, it’s easy to blame the other. In my communication seminars I teach a 4-step method* for telling someone you’re upset with something they’ve done or said. The second step is “Express how you feel.” We give the participants the sentence stem, “When you …, I feel ….” Even…
Are you sending (or receiving) mixed messages?
You know what mixed messages are, but you may not be aware you’re sending them: You tell the guy you’re dating you want to move slowly, yet you try to seduce him on the third date. You claim you like to cook, but when you invite him over for a DVD you always ask him…
Removing your mask
Most of us wear a mask, presenting ourselves as we want people to perceive us, not only in dating but in life. We decide how much and how soon to reveal our true selves based on the connection and trust we have with another. If we are feeling safe enough to let our hair down,…
What do you think your date’s car says about him?
Some women judge a man by his car. If he drives an expensive car, she assumes he’s financially sound. But he could be hocked up to his eyeballs to pay for it. And men think a cool car equals sexiness. I met a potential suitor for coffee whose screen name was “Boxster.” I watched him…
Long-distance dating pros and cons
Some people set no distance requirements on potential suitors. One DG reader shared she was romanced by a guy half way around the world for over two years! (They never met and he went poof one day.) Other people have ridiculously short distance requirements. Some men list 10 miles as their dating radius in their…
Being “thrown under the bus”
This is a common term in the dating world to express a breakup. At the end of a relationship, you are either the one being thrown or the one doing the throwing. Neither image is a pleasant one. When I suggest my sweetie is going to throw me under the bus, he cringes at the…
Eliciting your friends’ reactions to your guy
After dating a guy a while, you want to introduce him to your friends. You’re hoping they’ll see how terrific he is. But what if they don’t? You are torn between wanting to know what they think … and not. Some women defend their man if their friends say anything negative about him. But what…
Turn your liabilities into assets
Years ago I led a seminar on how to have a positive attitude at work. In the text, Attitude: Your Most Priceless Possession, author Elwood Chapman suggests employing the “Flipside Technique.” The concept is to take something not commonly considered good and reframe it as a positive, injecting a dose of humor when necessary. We’ll…
Saluting all midlife dating moms
I’m not a mom, but have watched my single friends who are dating. I marvel at how they juggle work, kids and their personal lives. Today being Mother’s Day, I wanted to tell all mom DG readers how much I admire you. If you have kids at home, it is so easy to forget about…