While most daters can regale you with dates gone bad, I’ve been lucky enough to only have about 10% of my dates in this category. And even bad dates have had some learning for me. This one, some months ago, helped me create the “only coffee first date” rule.
After seeing the movie “Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story,” I decided I wanted to see a horse race. Never having been to one, I wanted to go with someone experienced, who could show me the reins — I mean ropes.
A few weeks earlier I received an email and subsequent phone call from a 41-year-old guy whose profile said he was a “race horse owner.” An extremely enthusiastic man, he had more pictures of his horse than of himself in his profile. His enthusiasm wasn’t limited to his motivational-speaker style voice tone; nearly every word in his emails started with a capital letter.
He wanted to meet me, so when he mentioned he was going to the local race track to check out the newest phenom, a horse named “Lost in the Fog,” I asked if I could tag along. Normally, I wouldn’t have sought a date with a man who didn’t meet my age, economic, or articulation criteria, but I wanted a tutor for the races. Sometimes tutoring costs more than you think!
When I was ten minutes away from the track, he called to say he’d be 40 minutes late. He hadn’t carefully checked the bus and train schedule and had missed his connection. I had considered taking the train myself, as there is a station on the track grounds, so didn’t think this too odd, although I was mildly miffed he hadn’t looked into this beforehand.
He said he was wearing a black cowboy hat and tweed coat. As I sat outside the entrance watching arriving train passengers enter, a tall man with that attire entered. But he looked less attractive than Mr. RaceHorseOwner’s picture, so I let him pass. A few minutes later he called. Yep, that was him. Sigh. I went inside to meet him.
We set about getting a lay of the land. It seems he’d only been to the races once before, so really didn’t know much more than me. So much for my race mentor!
We begin with lunch. He stabbed his whole meat loaf slab with his fork and raised it to his mouth — without cutting it beforehand! It landed on the shelf his protruding belly made under his white shirt. Ugh! I was reminded of his lack of table manners every time I looked at him the rest of the afternoon — a brown meat loaf stain staring out at me from his midriff paunch.
During lunch he shared that his transportation is “BMW” — which he explained is “bus, Muni and walking.” No car. He also disclosed he still lived at home. How can a 41-year-old man living with his mother and with a full-time job not have a car?
When I asked about his race horse, he explained that he owns 1/100th a share. Yes that is right — there are 99 other owners! So while “race horse owner” sounds successful and enticing in his profile, the truth is different.
I endured an afternoon of bad grammar, wrong word usage, incorrect pronunciation, and repeating himself. He is a college grad, but he would be a poor advertisement for his alma mater!
There were a number of times I felt like leaving, but the star horse had yet to run. While it was good to see a race with a soon-to-be-famous horse in it, it was not worth 6 hours of my life. And to make matters worse, since we were both novices at betting, we bet wrong and didn’t even make money on the horses we thought we had bet on!
My lesson: before agreeing to spend the afternoon with someone, make sure it’s someone with whom I want to spend time. And yes, it was my own fault for trying to turn a date into a tutoring session, even though he was a willing teacher. Little did I know he didn’t know enough to be an informed instructor.
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Comments
2 responses to “Date turned out to be losing bet”
Coffee only is good advice and even so, many times it will be the longest cup of coffee you ever drank. Most Internet encounters will go no further and you just have to accept that. Go in with a prepared statement, “Look, I’m sorry, but I just don’t feel we are connecting the way I had hoped and rather than waste your time or mine, I think I’d better go now.” Do not be drawn into the discussion of why because there is no why just as there is no why you prefer chocolate to vanilla. Just get up and walk out and you will be doing both of you a favor.
Yes, I’ve had what seemed like loooooong coffee dates, but then I’ve also had dates that started with coffee and extended to lunch or dinner. I had a 5-hour “coffee” date once!
I do like to give guys a bit of a chance, especially since we’ve usually connected nicely over the phone and email or I wouldn’t be having coffee with them. Even ones that showed up and were totally unappealing I like to give at least 30-45 minutes. Most end up being an hour.
And you’re right about not going into why. It is hard to tell someone — as well as to hear — “you’re just not my type.” But you have to learn to live with it and just say “next!”