We haven’t met, however, because 3 days after I returned home, he was called to his dying mother’s side 2000 miles away. While the doctors told him she only had a few days to live, she lived two weeks, only passing the other day. This week he’s finishing her burial plans and awaiting the rest of the family’s arrival for her funeral next weekend.
We’ve gotten close during this time, discussing important topics as we’ve shared stories of our childhoods and parental influences on us. I’m getting to know his values by what he talks about and what he asks me.
If we had met — assuming we hit it off after meeting — I might consider him my beau. He certainly behaves beau-like — at least as much as one can long distance — calling me every day, asking about my life, values and opinions. But this is backwards — usually people get closer after meeting. I’ve done this before — become close to a man via weeks of phone and email, then when we met, zippo. No connection or chemistry. So I’m working to not get attached to him until we meet.
It’s always a quandary to give a word to this type of relationship. Not boyfriend. Not beau. Wooer? When I saw a bunch of my friends at a conference this weekend, they asked, “Are you seeing anyone special?” I’d stammer, “I’m being wooed by an interesting man, but we haven’t had a date yet.” I could have easily said, “Yes, I have a boyfriend whom I haven’t met.”
But the challenge bigger than what to call him is how much to allow myself to feel connected to him. It seems like jump starting an intimacy that usually begins with meeting and a mutual agreement to get to know each other better.
So to keep from getting too attached I continue to entertain inquiries from men who meet my criteria. I’m slated to have coffee with two new men this week, and perhaps see Playgirl Guy. By not putting all my eggs in one man-basket, I think I’ll be better able to assess my connection with the mystery man when we meet next week.
Have you ever become attached to someone after weeks of regular chatting? If so, how did you keep yourself from getting too attached, knowing you had to meet face-to-face before determining if you wanted to invest more energy and emotion?