Sometimes you hit it off with someone online and you exchange a flurry of emails. That is if you ignore the advice in The Rules for Online Dating. Authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneide tell women never to respond to an email from a potential suitor before 24 hours pass.
Well, I’ve ignored The Rules. But I’ve gotten to know guys quicker because of it. When you are exchanging several emails a day, someone’s personality emerges much sooner than the weeks it would take if you followed Fein and Schneide’s advice.
I liken it to the accelerated time passing of dog years. Depending on how quickly both of you respond, you can exchange numerous emails in a short period. One man even noted, “I don’t interpret a prompt response to my emails as desperation, just interest.” Fein and Schneide, however, say it makes you appear too eager.
IMs are even more lightening fast, as you are talking real time. You write something and he writes back almost immediately. I’ve grown fond of someone pretty quickly through IMs.
There’s something about online communication that enables you to ask questions you may not if you are talking on the phone. Somehow it can seem easier admitting to insecurities and sharing histories, goals, dreams and baggage. Of course, you can do this on the phone and in person, but there’s something akin to the anonymity of a confessional that lets people be forthcoming online. (Of course, there are always those who lie online, just as they would in person.)
Is all this warp-speed courting good? I’m not sure. I like getting to know someone quickly to see if any deal breakers emerge. Better than spending months to uncover the same problems. But the downside is a seeming intimacy that hasn’t had time to really ferment.