Dating-over-40 advice by the Dating Goddess™
I’ve been interviewed a lot lately to promote the Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 book series. A question I hadn’t really given a lot of thought to keeps coming up.
It is, “What’s the biggest negative surprise you’ve had with dating midlife men?”
Since I keep getting asked this, my response has evolved as I’ve thought about it more.
My answer?
The term “Beginner’s Mind” comes from Zen Buddhism. It means having an open mind, an eagerness and a lack of preconceptions when learning about a topic or activity, even when you aren’t a novice.
Midlife dating can be difficult to approach with a childlike wonder because you’ve dated in the past and/or been in long-term relationships. You feel you are at the graduate level, not a newbie. You think you know a lot about the other gender, even if you’ve had difficulty in many of your past relationships.
Talking about dating with a midlife single friend he asked, “Do you know men’s biggest dating fear?”
“Dating a psycho?”
“No.”
“Getting an STD?”
“No.”
“She gets pregnant?”
“Those are all high on the list, but it’s not what I’m thinking of.”
Valentine’s Day is meant for lovers. So what if you are alone on this day designed to celebrate love? What if you are like many women who are dating, but without a regular sweetie with whom to celebrate Valentine’s Day? Perhaps you’ve been dating around, but there’s no one with whom it makes sense to get lovey-dovey on this, the snuggle fest of holidays. Or maybe you have yet to stick your toe in the dating pool.
There are many ways to spend the day wrapped in love, even if you are without a sweetie. Here are some ideas for you:
I have an inkling into why the cliché “nice guys finish last” has become an axiom. Nice is not enough for many women to find a midlife man appealing.
One of the hardest things in dating is when one of you misinterprets the other’s niceness or politeness for interest. I’ve been on both sides — the misinterpreter and the misinterpreted. Last night I was on the latter side. Neither feels good.
It’s not what you think. Yes, he suggested getting naked, although he didn’t say it that bluntly.
While in Dubai, I befriended a 28-year-old local professional man who shared the romantic reality for many like him. His description made me think of some parallels to Western dating, although, of course, there are huge differences.
It’s wonderful when dating someone who has the same level of infatuation you do. It’s fabulous to both feel similarly smitten.
However, my experience is it isn’t that common to feel equal adoration. One of you is typically more entranced than the other.
Jeff Mac has just released a brilliant book, Manslations: Decoding the Secret Language of Men.
(Full disclosure: Mac is a pal of mine, having formed a pal-ship through our blogs. We have a bit of a mutual admiration society, so perhaps my review of his book is a tad tainted. But I will try to be objective.)
