What is sexy?

“Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got.” —Sophia Loren

In my online profile, I used to describe myself as sexy. I took it out. Why? I realized that while I feel I am sexy, it is totally subjective. What if the guy doesn’t find me sexy? Will he doubt other things I say?

What is sexiness? To me it is a confidence, a strong sense of self, not arrogance. It doesn’t have to do with body size or shape or facial beauty. I’ve known people who were sexy but not particularly physically attractive. A friend of mine is a burn victim, having scars over most of his body, including his face. Yet he is a babe magnet. I rarely see him without a beautiful woman — or several — surrounding him. He’s been married three times!

Do you think you are sexy? If so, do you allow it to show? Do you wear clothes that show off the best parts of your body without looking slutty? Do you smile, flirt and play with men? Does your walk show confidence? Do you put your best foot forward in public? These all contribute to that mysterious “sexiness.”

What do you think is sexy in men? I am partial to easy smiles, long-sleeved shirts with the sleeves rolled up, a great fitting suit with an impeccably tied tie (small knot), goatees, good posture, a tuft of chest hair peeking out of an open-collared neckline, intelligence, humor, kindness, strong biceps and chivalry. I once went out with a man because a pic in his profile showed him with a great smile and biceps the size of my thighs. (OK, nothing is as big as my thighs, but you get the picture. Unfortunately, the in-person version was not as enticing as the picture.)

Describe what you think is sexy. This is not all the attributes of your perfect mate, but what you find sexy. If it is personified in Richard Gere, Taye Diggs, or Tom Cruise, what is it that makes them sexy to you? When you articulate it clearly, it will be easier to spot. Don’t cop out with “I know it when I see it.”

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5 responses to “What is sexy?”

  1. […] makes you feel sexy? In “What is sexy?” I asked you to explore what you think is sexy in a man. Now I’d like you to identify […]

  2. Bookyone Avatar

    Hi DG,

    I missed this one the first time around, so am catching up now. What I find sexy in a man is really very simple:

    1) A warm open smile
    2) Sincerity and honesty in his words and actions
    3) A killer sense of humor (preferrably stand up type humor)
    4) Intelligence

    Needless to say my favorite sexy men probably wouldn’t make most women drool as they are all comedians: Steve Martin, George Carlin, Jerry Seinfeld, the late great John Candy, Ray Romano and Robin Williams, to name but a few.

    Give me brains and funny over brawn and beefcake any day. 🙂

    Best wishes from bookyone 🙂

  3. DragonflyDamsel Avatar

    You know, it’s weird, but now that you mention sexy-ness criteria, i don’t think i’ve ever had any. I don’t think i’ve ever even really thought in terms of sexyness, just attractiveness. . . . .Anyways, here’s my list:

    1) an open mind (not too out there though! but accepting and willing to look at other views and oppinions, even drastically different from his own)
    2) i go for the silent type. i wouldn’t really say “STRONG-and-silent” because i DO like them strong, but kind of lanky, haha! think: cat-like
    3)a touch of sophisticated-ness, which can show through in alot of ways, prefferably as many of them as possible: chivalry and respect for others, the way they dress, the ability to hold an intelegent conversation . . . .

    Yep, those are my basics. Love your blog by the way and all the topics you cover! Keep it coming!

  4. nysharon Avatar

    All of the above and also for me its about eye contact, attentiveness to me and what I say, confidence with a touch of flirtation, and knowing what to say at the right time.

  5. Rhea Williams Avatar
    Rhea Williams

    The silent (is he shy?) and bit mysteries type has my preverence. Not the one in the centre of attention. He can be dressed in jeans and a white shirt — simple — but what I like most is when I seen him at work — hard ‘manly’ work — where there is sweating and muscles needed — and then when he’s done the sweet scent of his labour is the most exciting to me — and NO after-shave or cologne — and oh, please men …. don’t shave your brest-hair — and if possible, a small few days old ‘beard’and a mustache is
    just lovely… and.. and… well… you get the drift. I’m for the ‘forrester’ or construction worker-type. Very sexy!!