Serendipitously, yesterday this profile appeared in my matches. It cracked me up so much that I wrote to him, even though I don’t think we’d be a perfect match. There were enough appealing things in his profile that this was a time humor tipped the balance in his favor and I was compelled to write.
His profile is headed “Personnel Ad”
JOB DESCRIPTION: Long-term team player sought for position of friend/companion for 47-year-old male. Use your superior communication and social skills to build a serious long-term relationship. Must be willing to work evenings and weekends. Some overnight travel may eventually be required including trips to visit relatives, occasional evaluations of bed and breakfast and other inns, environmental studies in national parks, and observation of foreign cultures.
RESPONSIBILITIES: This position calls for attendance at many long dinner meetings in fine restaurants. A hug and a kiss will be required after successful completion of such meetings where all objectives are clearly met. In addition, you must be prepared to hold hands everywhere. Long hours spent cuddling will be encouraged once you show competence in other areas of responsibility (especially the long dinners). You may be asked to discuss issues affecting our community locally, nationally, and internationally. An occasional game of cribbage or something similar with groups of friends may also be required.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required. You will find that no previous experience will prepare you for this position. Enthusiasm for on-the-job training is a must. In addition, success in this position will require being serious only when absolutely necessary. It may help if you are a Democrat. The presence of children or future plans for them is not required, but will be considered a plus.
COMPENSATION: This is a volunteer position and includes no direct payment. In fact you may find there is nowhere near as much tea in China as you thought. Occasional gifts associated with certain recurring dates or events are included, but the exact time of distribution of such gifts will not be revealed in advance. This will start out as a temporary position, but should be approached with the potential to move into a permanent position as a desirable alternative.
BENEFITS: A tremendous benefits package is included. This includes homemade gourmet meals prepared exactly to your tastes, fresh picked roses from a beautiful formal rose and flower garden, among many other delights.
MISCELLANEOUS: This man is actively involved in his community and loves children of all ages. Kids rave about his macaroni with butter on the side. He has volunteered as a youth basketball coach, a Big Brother, and organized parties at family shelters. If you like to see things from a different perspective, this is your man. He has been observed yelling, “Hey box,” while driving past the little blue signs asking motorists to “Call Box.” He has an exceptional dust collection which he keeps in unusual places such as the tops of picture frames. He enjoys lots of social sporting activities such as volleyball and softball. He does not ski, but does have a cross country ski machine/clothes rack and drove through Tahoe once in the summer. He likes history and will tour anything old. He does not always follow the rules exactly.
What? A personal ad? Well that’s very different then. Never mind.
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Wow, Carol, I had a totally different interpretation of his ad. I read it as sweet and funny, not boring, or stingy at all. Guess that’s why different profiles appeal to different people.
Aack! I found your blog through someone else’s blogroll, but I can’t recall which one. From where it was, I’m very happy to have found it. Eventhough I’m not in the slightest bit interested in dating, I am 47 and single, and so am able to appreciate the subject. I agree that the ad was funny and well done. I’m not sure how Carol came to her conclusion since the ad says the exact opposite of what she heard. Maybe I’m wrong, but I read it the same way you did.
Now, whether he lives up to or not is another matter. 😉
Carol- I hope Dating Goddess won’t delete your comment. Why would someone delete a comment that simply says the writer interpreted things differently? JMO. In any case, I’m glad you wrote back. I really was interested in how we could see the post so differently. It’s really interesting to me to find out how to shift my understanding enough to see another person’s point of view.
Me, I heard him say that he was interested in dating for potential LTR, not a one night anonymous craigslist encounter, and that he liked to do the sorts of wooing I would have scoffed at 20 years ago. But then I ended up marrying a tragic artist type who refused to celebrate my birthday in anyway because it made him sad that one day I’d die. So, now the only way a man could drag me out on a date is if he was going to at least pretend to worship the ground I walk on. 🙂
Hi Nancy and Carol:
Good exchange! And Carol, no need to delete your comment. I found it interesting that we interpreted it so differently. Makes me wonder how men might negatively interpret my profile!
Thanks for keeping the conversation lively.
Hi Carol:
I meant that if you and I can have such 180-degree interpretations of the guy’s ad, I’m wondering what guys would read as negative in my profile. Of course, I only hear from the ones who liked it.
In the guy’s ad, he is saying he’d like to take his woman to B&Bs, national parks, dinners, etc. and is not just looking for a booty call. He’ll cook for you, giver her flowers, cuddle, hold hands — all the things that help melt a gal’s heart when they are actually done and not just talked about!