Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40™

Category: First-rate first dates

  • Dating’s “pre-game” activities

    Super BowlHave you been inundated with the Super Bowl pre-game activity options? You could easily devote the whole weekend to Super Bowl shows if you wanted. In scanning the various proceeding, it reminded me of a conversation I had recently with a single gal pal.

    We were talking about how important first impressions are in dating. But we realized the definition of “first impression” was a bit nebulous. Was it the first wink or email? The first phone conversation? Or the first meeting? All are important and can be a telling prelude to the outcome of the “game.”

    The “pre-game” activities — pre-meeting, if you will — set the tone for the first face-to-face. I’ve had wonderful email and phone conversations with a man before meeting him, so that when we met it felt like I’d known him a long time. I was already drawn to him when I met him physically. This can set up a touch down much earlier than if you allow the game to progress as painstakingly as it does on the gridiron. Just as in football each yard is won with difficulty (if the teams are evenly matched), in dating each next step evolves quickly or slowly depending on the players.

    But as often as the pre-game activities segued into a wonderful first — and subsequent — encounters, they can also build tremendous expectations among the players and fans (your friends who you’ve told about this great guy with whom you’re talking). And as we know, expectations can fall flat as often as not. I’ve experienced this on many occasions. A guy is amazing on the phone and in email (the pre-game interviews and hype of the game), yet when you meet, no sizzle.

    My current guy was like that. We’d had wonderful calls and emails for 10 days before meeting for coffee. When we met, he was very tired and he’d momentarily nod off. I thought I must be the most boring person he’d ever talked to. If we hadn’t already set up dinner the next night, I’m afraid I would have sent him a “You’re a nice guy, but I didn’t feel any spark” email. But because of our delicious pre-meeting communication, I decided to give him another chance and the dinner went well (he’d gotten some sleep). So sometimes the pre-game intrigue encourages you to give someone some grace — and another chance.

    If you watch the Super Bowl on Sunday, see if you can see parallels to dating. Yes, occasionally your date will be called for “holding,” but you may like it so there is no penalty. “Roughing the passer” is if he gets too fresh but instead of costing him yardage, you make him sit on the bench — alone. No one likes to be on a date with someone who displays “unsportsmanlike conduct.” And sometimes being “sacked” is a good thing. 🙂

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  • The trial kiss

    In sales, when you check for buying interest you use a trial close. Something like, “If you were to purchase this, which color/size/model would you like most?” Or, “If you were to go ahead, how many units would you initially order?”

    kissI’ve noticed some guys use a “trial kiss” to check for a woman’s “buying interest.” This is a kiss that is unexpected. Instead of at the end of the date as you’re saying goodbye, he’ll stop while you’re walking, or off to the side waiting for your table, or in the middle of a store.

    It’s more than a peck, although it can start there. But it quickly evolves into a short, but passionate kiss.

    I didn’t date much in high school, but maybe this is a standard technique. They guys I dated in and after college didn’t do this either. So now that I’m dating mature men, the first few times it happened I was startled as it was unexpected. I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. But it created more physical closeness for the rest of the date. And at the end, more and longer kissing.

    I’ve decided it is a way some guys gage a woman’s passion temperature. One man, now a pal, says he uses an unexpected kiss to see how the woman reacts. If she gets offended, he knows she’s not for him. Before we first met, he told me he was going to kiss me when he greeted me, so I wasn’t surprised when he planted one on my lips. He didn’t go beyond that, so I just smiled. Half an hour later, he planted another one when we were in an empty aisle of a department store. And yes, there was more, longer kissing later.

    If the man doesn’t get a negative response, he sees it as a sign you’re open for more. So decide what is comfortable for you, and if a trial kiss early on isn’t, then let him know. And know that if you don’t say anything, he’ll read it as you’re open to the rest of his sales pitch.

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  • Men behaving badly

    I rarely talk about “bad” dates, because if a date doesn’t work out, it just wasn’t meant to be. No use lingering on what didn’t work or what an unpleasant experience it was.

    When people hear I’ve written a book about midlife dating (now in my literary agent’s hands to sell), many immediately say, “I should write a book about all the bad dates I’ve had.” Generally, I don’t think people want to hear about bad dates, unless they are out of the dating scene. Then the stories can be funny, but are usually sad.

    I think most of us want to hear about the good dates, which gives us hope that there are great singles out there, not mashers, players and cads. However, the reality is, there are some not-so-great people in the singles scene.

    My friend Ken theorizes that part of the reason we come across some of these folks is because it’s so much easier for someone to enter the dating scene via online dating. You don’t even have to pay to post a profile on most sites. So people who would not date in the “real” world — meeting people in classes, at work, at shared hobbies, at friends’ houses, at bars — are in the dating pool because it’s easy. So the pool has gotten a tad polluted, and we encounter folks we might not have before.

    In fact, I read that a third of those listed on online dating sites haven’t met anyone in person as a result of their online activities. So would those third be considered “dating” if they weren’t listed online? I don’t think so. Nearly half have met 1 to 5 others. What the report didn’t say was in what time period — a month, 6 months, year, more than a year?

    Out of the 72 men I’ve gone out with I can think of only a few “bad” first dates. Compared to other stories I’ve heard about bad first dates, these are pretty tame, I know. So you know that most “bad” dates just aren’t a good fit, here are the recaps of the eight, and even some of them weren’t really “bad,” just not a fit:

    • Too-Much-Too-Fast Guy — We’d talked for a week on the phone and email. We decided to meet for a drink at a nearby karaoke bar. When I arrived at the darkened bar, he looked little like his picture, but he recognized me. As I slid into the booth, he leaned over and kissed me on the lips. A tad forward, but I let it slide. We talked. He reached over and took my hand. More talking. He asked if I wanted to dance. I did. He held me close. When we came back to the booth, he slid closer to me. He pulled me toward him for another kiss. Then another. Soon he was French kissing me. I said it was too much for a public place. He said, “You said you liked public displays of affection!” “Yes, but this is too soon.” I slid away from him and said I needed to be going.
    • The Masher. We’d flirted with daily emails for nearly a month since I was out of the country and we couldn’t meet before then. When we did meet in a pub, his greeting was a French kiss! I said that was a bit too much too soon, and he shrugged it off. We went to a nearby table where he sat next to me. He continued to kiss me while we sipped wine. Finally, I said I was hungry so we went next door to have dinner. As soon as we sat down, he said, “I live nearby. Let’s go to my house.” No, that won’t be happening.
    • 10-Minute Guy — We’d met mid-afternoon at a shopping mall. The plan was do a little shopping, then have dinner, then either a movie or dancing. Within 10 minutes he said, “I’m going to go.” I asked if he was feeling okay. He said, “Yes. I’m just not attracted.” My jaw dropped as he turned and left.
    • The Vexing Vietnam Vet — He had been a tad demanding on the phone, but I thought I’d give him a chance, so accepted a drink invitation. In an empty tavern we had soft drinks and an appetizer while he told me grisly story after story of his days in Vietnam. When I tried to change the subject, he came back with other stories of his heroism, always heavily laced with expletives. He reached across the table and took my hand. When he asked if we should do this again, I was taken aback, so stammered, “That would be interesting.” No, we won’t be doing it again.
    • The Obnoxious Ophthalmologist — Ironically, he’s the only man who I didn’t recognize from his photos, yet he complained about women posting 10-year old or 80-pounds ago pics. He said we’d meet at the restaurant, which I thought meant at the reception area. He was in the bar and I waited 10 minutes before checking to see if he might be there. He was barely cordial from the moment I sat down, and made no effort to get the waiter to take my drink order. His demeanor shouted that he was not at all interested in me and could we make this as short as possible. To add insult to injury, he sent a snotty email afterwards. Obviously this doctor had no bedside manner.
    • Mr. Aggressive — He was cuter than his picture. We chatted at the coffee shop, then he asked if I wanted to have dinner. I did. When we walked to find a restaurant, he turned and kissed me. A bit soon, but I was flattered at the same time taken aback. After dinner, I mentioned I liked CSI and it was on that night. He said, “I own a home nearby that is being renovated. Let’s go watch it there.” When I declined, he was insistent, not relenting in his nearly demanding we go there. No, I wouldn’t be going to this guy’s house on the first — nor any — date.
    • The Uneducated College Grad — I wrote about him in “Date turns out to be losing bet.” I should have known from his calls and emails that he wasn’t for me. But I let my self-interest overcome my instinct. His emails and conversation were laced with bad grammar, poor spelling, incorrect word usage, poor pronunciation. When he told me his alma mater, I thought, “If I were the Admissions Office, I’d ban him from telling anyone he’d graduated here.” I understood why he still lived with his mother at age 42.
    • The Overly “Cool” Dude — He was sweet, smart and complimentary on the daily calls and in flirty emails. He said he was very interested in me and hoped it worked out for us, as he could see a future together. When we met, he spent 80% of the time talking about himself, and when I tried to interject, he said, “I’m going to cut you off” and continued to talk about himself. At the white-tablecloth restaurant, he brought his own cheap wine so he wouldn’t have to pay $20 for the $5 bottle. He ate his lamb chops with his hands. Every fifth word was “cool.” He French kissed me within moments of our meeting. No, we will not be having a future together.

    Can you avoid bad first dates? I think you can reduce the possibility considerably by having some email and phone conversations for a few days to a week. If the conversation turns to sex before you’ve even met, then don’t meet him. If he shows he has opposite values than you, don’t bother. There are a number of men I’ve had phone or email conversations with that I then didn’t meet. Not enough interest to invest the hour for coffee, plus time to get ready and drive to and from the coffee shop.

    So don’t be afraid of bad first dates. They happen. My experience is about 10% of the dates fall into this category. Not bad, really. So expect there will be some misses, but don’t linger on them. And don’t share them with your next date, as he’ll wonder what kind of story you’ll tell about him afterwards!

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  • “When can I meet your kids?”

    I have never asked a guy this. However, a woman recently shared that she asks this on the first date. Additionally she asks, “When would you be comfortable meeting mine, and each others’ friends?”

    Even though I don’t have kids, I know how protective most people are of theirs and introducing them to people they’re dating. Most don’t want to parade a bunch of dates by their kids, but instead want to only introduce them to each other after dating someone for a while.

    My pal feels differently. She says her teenaged daughter is comfortable meeting her dates early on, and she knows a man cares about her if he introduces his kids to her. If a man balks or says it will take 6 months, she doesn’t see him again. She says that’s just too long. It limits when they can see each other to when he doesn’t have his kids.

    Since this isn’t an issue for me, I asked some dating moms what they thought. Most agreed that asking about when to meet the kids was not an appropriate first-date question. The consensus was also that kid meeting generally happens after a few months of exclusive dating.

    I don’t ask to meet the kids — even if they are grown. I figure a man knows when he wants this to happen and will bring it up when he does. I’m not in a hurry so I let it evolve organically.

    If you have kids, how long do you need to date someone before you introduce them to each other? If you don’t have children, when would you expect to be introduced? Do you ask to meet his kids?

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  • When do you tell your date about irritants?

    There seem to be several camps on this:

    1. Immediately when the annoyance happens, even on the first date. Say something so he can modify his behavior. No matter how small the irritation, you should say something when it happens.
    2. Not on the first date, unless the behavior is egregious (blowing his nose in the cloth napkin, walking 5 paces in front of you, wearing a hat inside a nice restaurant, fondling you in public).
    3. Only when it happens frequently enough that you can’t tolerate it anymore. Giving someone grace shows maturity unless you can’t stand that pen-top clicking, fingernail-tooth cleaning, or utterance of “cool,” “like,” or “ya know” one more time.
    4. Only if you think you’re interested in seeing him in the future. Why bring it up if you have no interest in him?

    My preference is a combination of 2, 3 and 4. When I’ve had dates who subscribe to #1 and nit pick about what I consider minor infractions, the cumulative affect is I feel picked on.

    This is something that I wouldn’t have thought to be a deal breaker. But it has been. More than once.

    Here are some things to ponder about feedback:

    • Frequency. It’s not just what someone nitpicks about. It’s the frequency. If he brings to my attention every detail he doesn’t like, it gets trying. You need to pick your battles and only point out behaviors you find obnoxious. So when he wipes clean his silverware in an upscale restaurant, notice his anal retentiveness, but don’t comment. Unless he starts doing it for the couple at the next table.
    • Tone. Someone’s tone is important as well. I can take constructive feedback, but not easily if someone has an irritated tone, or sounds as if I’m an idiot for behaving a certain way. I try to have a patient tone, but I know that when you let an irritant go on too long, it does come through in your “that’s the last straw” voice.
    • Phrasing. How the feedback is phrased is important, too. Some people like you to blurt out the problem, “You have bad breath,” vs. a softer, more indirect choice, “Let’s have a mint before we continue kissing.” Men tell me the latter drives them crazy, yet many women find the former too blunt and insensitive. Ah, the differences in the genders!
    • Location. The place is important, too. Don’t criticize a man in front of others. If he’s doing someone you find offensive, either whisper it to him, or get him to step away from the others. He can become embarrassed — as would you — to hear it in front of friends or colleagues. Also, bringing something up over a nice, romantic dinner can ruin the evening. If it can wait, leave it for later.
    • Balance with positives. I heard a suggestion that for every one piece of corrective feedback, you should have 5 positives. Otherwise the receiver will feel as I did, continually nagged.

    I went out several times with a man who had rigid expectations on when I should bring up anything that bothered me. During our time together, if I did anything he didn’t like, he told me immediately. I, on the other hand let most things go, giving him grace. However, not saying something about his nitpicking resulted in my feeling continually criticized.

    When I explained I had a different philosophy about when to deliver corrective communication, he said, “You have to say something at the time. You can’t say something hours later. It’s wrong. If you don’t say something at the time, you shouldn’t bring it up later.”

    His rule was, if you didn’t bring it up instantly upon happening, you abdicated your right to bring it up ever. I reminded him, “We talked about this on the phone. I told you I often brought up things as they happen, but sometimes I don’t realize how I feel about something until a little later.”

    “No, you have to bring it up at the time.” Now I saw that he had no concept that one could experience a feeling, like a mild irritation, but be unable to articulate why until a little later. In his mind, everyone must say what was bothersome at the moment or relinquish the chance to discuss it later. Trying to explain this concept was futile, like trying to explain a beautiful sunset to a blind person.

    I realized I couldn’t be with someone long term who had such rigid rules about what was “right” behavior from their partner, especially behavior I couldn’t control. I needed someone who could listen and gently probe if I was upset, not get angry and defensive, just as I would him. While I enjoyed many things about him, I saw that he didn’t have the communication skills I find essential for a long-term romantic partner. Needless to say, we didn’t see each other again.

    Which camp(s) are you in?

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  • Rocket Man

    I’ve become fond of a man online who blows things up for a living. Tiny things. Miniatures. For the movies. And he’s won an Oscar for his demolition efforts.

    Isn’t this nearly every man’s childhood dream? To make a living destroying things? How fun!

    He specializes in igniting things. He says he “paints with fire.” He’s set himself ablaze 51 times — on purpose! For films, of course. He even filled in for a flaming Arnold Schwarzenegger in one film. How am I supposed to light his fire when he’s torched himself 51 times?

    While sometimes his charges are detonated inside the object, other times he launches a rocket to explode the target. So my pet name for him has become Rocket Man, which he likes.

    If we hit it off, it will be good to know I can turn to him if I need anything around the house blown up. Instead of “Honey, could you spray that ant hill in the back?” it would be “Honey, could you blow up that ant hill in the back?” I wonder if he’s as good at building a relationship as he is at blowing up buildings.

    OscarThat little golden statue may be nice to have around the house. I can see dressing him up for each month’s holidays — an Easter Bunny outfit, a Halloween costume, a Santa’s hat. Maybe we’d give him a Barbie harem. Would he fit in the Malibu Barbie car? I don’t think so.

    Since his specialty is pyrotechnics, I’d expect fireworks with our first kiss. I wonder if he could arrange that without any building blowing up.

    So far his personality seems to be far from explosive, however sparks fly via email and phone conversations. I wonder what makes a sweet, humble man like to blow things up. I’ll find out soon enough.

    Saphire martiniAnd get this — his favorite drink is a Bomb-bay martini!

    Let’s hope he’s da bomb!

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  • Control freak or detail oriented?

    In the 18 months between when my ex left and I started dating, I had plenty of time to consider what I wanted in my next man. One of my realizations was I planned 99% of outings in my marriage. I wanted a man who would take the time to plan, as I was burnt out from it, and I saw it as a way to show he cared.

    I quickly found a planner in one of the first men I met online. We emailed a few times, but he didn’t proofread, so I couldn’t understand what he was saying half the time. I thought he must be foreign born. He asked if he could call me or I him. I called the evening before departing for a 6-day trip, thinking I’d have a brief conversation, then blow him off.

    He was not foreign born, and was smart, charming and funny. The planned 10-minute call stretched into 30. I told him during my trip I’d only be available by email because of my tight schedule. We flirted by email several times a day for four days during my trip. On day 5, he asked me to join him for dinner when I returned. We agreed on when and where.

    He was the first stranger I’d had a date with. The previous “dates” were with colleagues, and I wasn’t really sure if they were dates or not, although they were all with single guys and they treated me to dinner. There was a hug at the end. I called them pseudo dates.

    This new guy did things that no man has done since. My friends were either impressed or incredulous. This guy was a uber-planner!

    menuWhile still on my trip, he emailed me a PDF of the restaurant’s menu, saying if I had an idea what I might want (e.g., fish, beef, lamb, chicken), he would pre-order the wine so it would be ready for us.

    On the appointed evening, I was nervous since this was the first time I’d had a date with someone I didn’t already know. I obsessed about what to wear. I must have changed clothes 6 times.

    He greeted me at the restaurant bar with a hug and a gift of two CDs. He said that we could listen to them while cooking together sometime. Cool.

    banquetteAfter a drink, the maître d’ told us our table was ready. We were escorted to a secluded candle-lit, semi-circular banquette. The manager came over and greeted my date by name. I thought he must come here often.

    Later I learned that my guy had come to the restaurant earlier and discussed this evening with the manager. He told him he was bringing a special lady and wanted the evening to be memorable. He’d asked for the best server working that night. Then he chose the most romantic table in that server’s section. The manager assured him the table would be reserved for him, and that he’d inform his server to go out of his way to make it a special event.

    We lingered over dinner for five hours, laughing and talking. We were the first couple in the restaurant and the last to leave. He walked me to my car and we ended with a hug.

    Did I want to see him again? I wasn’t drawn to him physically, but he made me laugh, and I liked being treated well. I decided I’d see him again. Why? Because he went to so much thought and effort to make the evening distinctive and me feel pampered.

    What did I learn? That I like a man who pays attention to details, who goes to some effort to make me feel special and that a little thought can overcome a lack of initial physical attraction. He scratched an itch I had and evidently I scratched one for him.

    Some friends thought he was controlling and anal retentive to put so much effort into this first encounter. I thought it was sweet and made me feel special. So what works for one may not for another.

    We went out for six weeks, and he treated me well, but only one other time did he put the same thought into a date as he had that first one. When I realized we weren’t a long-term match for many reasons, I told him I didn’t think we should continue going out. He still wanted to see me, but I knew he wouldn’t see other women if I agreed. We continue to stay in touch, and occasionally see a play, movie or have dinner together, but as pals.

    The lesson to share is that behavior trumps physicality. However, if after giving it a chance if you still aren’t a match, don’t hang on as it’s not fair to either one of you. Release each other to find your true match.

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  • “I only want to date someone I would marry”

    wedding ringsA newly divorced friend was intrigued by my philosophy about dating so many men. She said, “I just couldn’t do that. I don’t want to date anyone I wouldn’t see myself marrying.”

    She is not alone. This is many women’s philosophy. She says she is too busy to spend time with someone she doesn’t think she might marry.

    I understand her point of view. Dating takes time. I, too, have cut off dating someone I knew wasn’t a match. It wouldn’t be fair to him to lead him on.

    On the other hand, I’ve had dates with men who I wasn’t sure were a match or not. Sometimes you know on the first date it’s not a match. But sometimes you don’t know until after the second, third, or additional dates.

    In fact, I’ve gone out with men who were a nanosecond away from receiving my “Thanks, but no thanks” message,delete key but something compelled me to write a more thoughtful note. If he responded positively with why he thought we could be a good match, I might be convinced to continue the correspondence, perhaps progressing to a phone call and maybe an eventual date. Some of these nanosecond-away-from-being-deleted guys have turned out to be treasures as pals.

    And some of those nearly deleted guys have ended up as beaus. I’ve found you just don’t know if the connection is traffic lightthere until you meet someone. Although, sometimes you know in email or the phone if they are paranoid, sex-focused, foul-mouthed, angry, manipulative, self-focused, poor conversationalists or have other deal-breaking habits. Then there’s no need to meet. But if all lights are green, why not meet and see if they stay green, or if yellow or red flashes?

    A guy pal said he sometimes continued dating someone he knew wasn’t a match because they liked some of the same activities. In his mind, someone, even a not-long-term match, was better than experiencing pastimes alone. This could be okay as long as you both agree you aren’t a long-term match, and that your seeing each other casually doesn’t slow down your search for a long-term mate.

    Where do you stand on this? Do you only want to date someone you think has long-term potential? Or will you date more than a few times someone you know isn’t a good match?

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  • Cell phone can disconnect a date

    I’m dismayed that I even have to write this post. After all, I date midlife (37-64 year-old), successful, educated men. You would think they’d have enough common sense and common courtesy to know what to do — and not do — with their cell phones on a date. But some apparently don’t, as I’ve been tempted to educate them with the following. So if the guy you’re dating (or dated) has had cell phone lapses, send him this and tell him he needs to shape (and hang) up. Or if you see some of your own habits listed here, take heed.

    • Razr phoneIf you are expecting an important call, tell me as soon as you greet me. I’m much more charitable than if I don’t know and the call comes in while I’m in the middle of telling you a great story. If you are an on-call doctor, or lawyer (or defendant) whose jury is due to reconvene, or have a family member in surgery, just let me know. Communication is everything.
    • Put your phone on vibrate if you’re expecting that important call. Loud rings are irritating when you’re in conversation. (Do I have to mention to turn off the ringer in the movie, concert or play? I hope not!)
    • If you get that important call, take it outside. When you see it’s the person more important than me, excuse yourself and step outside. Don’t be rude and take it at the table — it not only annoys me, it annoys others around us.
    • headsetTake off the damn wireless earpiece. Do you think you look important and cool with it on? No, you look like an idiot when there’s no one on the line. You are not Captain Kirk. You say you “forgot” you were wearing it? Right. Take it off when you get out of the car.
    • Do not — repeat DO NOT — keep checking your phone for messages. It looks like you’d rather be talking to your friends than to me.
    • Unless you have told me you’re expecting that important call, put away the phone. If it vibrates on the table, we both know a call is coming in. It is a barrier between us.
    • If you need to check for messages, do it discreetly. The phone should be in your pocket, so excuse yourself to the men’s room. If you need to place a call, do that out of my ear shot and eye sight.
    • TreoIf you must take the call in my presence, make it as quick as possible. Saying to the caller “No, I’m not doing anything important,” or “So, what’s new with you?” lets me know where your priorities lie. Don’t expect a kiss, invitation to come to my place, or another date.

    Have you experienced cell-phone abuse on a date? What can you add to this list?

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  • “POP!: Stand Out in Any Crowd” makes you outstanding in the dating scene

    Sam HornMy friend, bestselling author Sam Horn, has a new book out, POP!: Stand Out in Any Crowd. At first glance, you’d think POP! is strictly a business book and says nothing of value for daters. However, that’s not the case. There’s a lot in the book you can apply to dating.

    Over brunch a few days ago (where we serendipitously were served POPovers), we brainstormed a common question she’s been asked at her book promotion radio and TV interviews. The question is how can a dater use POP! principles to be captivating within seconds. We applied the basic POP! concepts to a first encounter, say you want to meet someone at a bar.

    POP!P: Purposeful — Think about how you want to be received, what response you want from your opening comment. You want a pleasant conversation, not someone blowing you off. You want to seem intelligent, thoughtful and fun.

    O: Original — Your comment needs to not sound like a line. So “You’re hot,” Come here often?” “Great band,” or “What’s your sign?” are out. You might have to hover near your target to pick up on something he’s saying to a pal, or notice an unusual ring to comment on. You need to show your uniqueness by saying something uncommon.

    P: Pithy — It needs to be short and to the point. Don’t give your resume, or how attractive you think he is, or how long you’ve been admiring him across the room. He’ll zone out, even if it’s about him.

    So what are some POP! lines? There are no rote ones to memorize. You have to be present, noticing things around the room and your target person. Just be sincere, make eye contact, stand up straight (so your confidence shows and he won’t see your knees shaking), and say it with a smile.

    Tell me how your POP! lines work out. (BTW, when you try the POP! method, it doesn’t make you a POP! tart.)

    And order Sam’s book (just click on the title above). It is one of the best investments you’ll make this year and will help you in your business as well as personal life. To see if she is speaking or doing a book signing in your area soon, click on her name above.

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  • Clues a guy is just looking for a booty call

    Male CallI have a new friend, the writer of “Male Call,” a syndicated newspaper columnist on “Advice From a Guy.” I asked him a question I thought might interest you. We had this exchange:

    DG: What are signs a guy is just looking for a booty call on the first date?

    MC: Wait a sec — who says guys are angling for anything more than a soul-stirring, earnest conversation about their feelings on the very first date?

    Just kidding. We want to talk about your feelings, too.

    No, but seriously. There are indeed a few things to watch for. One is excessive touching. Remember, it’s the first date — shoulder rubs and thigh squeezes are for later in the process — maybe the second date. An offhand, seemingly absentminded brush of her forearm as you’re making a point about thermonuclear dynamics is fine. We encourage it, even; it’s a subtle sign that you’re interested. (But on second thought, leave out the thermonuclear part.)

    DG: This is good. I’ve had that thigh squeezing you reference. Also, French kissing within minutes of meeting me, and “accidental” brushes of my breast. I’ve been tempted to ask “Do I have SLUT tattooed on my forehead?” I’ve even had guys tell me what positions they envision us in before the night ends. Yuck!

    Any other clues, oh wise MC?

    MC: You’ve touched on another one: he continually steers the conversation toward something sexual, or at least suggestive. You: “So, have you seen any good movies lately? I loved Little Miss Sunshine.” Him: “Yes, I have! It reminded me of one of my favorite movies, Thong Party III. You know, I happen to have a copy at home. I live just around the corner.” Bonus warning tip: He picks a place to meet that happens to be very near his bachelor pad.

    DG: You are so right, again! I had a guy suggest we go back to his place within minutes of meeting me. And I’m not showing up in cleavage-revealing, tight, short slutware or being provocative. I’d like to think I just have this mojo thing going, but I know it’s really more about his having a horny thing going.

    Thanks, MC. I guess I know more about this than I thought! But always good to hear it directly from a guy.

    (If you don’t get Male Call in your local newspaper, you can subscribe via RSS or read it online by clicking on the link.)

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