One of the hardest parts of dating is telling your date that it isn’t a match so you don’t encourage him to pursue you. It is easiest to do in an email, but I only recommend this method if you’ve only met once. Start with thanking him for coffee, lunch, whatever. Comment on some of…
First-rate first dates
Is that you? Pictures are just a rough facsimile of the real thing
When I was first dating, I wouldn’t respond to someone if their picture wasn’t appealing, even if they sent an articulate, fun email. I also turned down any contact who I couldn’t imagine kissing, based on his picture. I didn’t meet a lot of new guys with these criteria! Now I’ve learned that pics in…
Guys make a great first impression with a small gift
The other day I had a first date with a guy who brought me a present — a recent bestselling book he thought I’d like. It was a great gift, as it is in the genre I read and I hadn’t read it yet. Thumbs up! One guy’s first-date gift was a CD of romantic…
Tracking your date’s score
A guy begins with 100 units. He can add to these units by doing good things (e.g., calling when he says he will, being chivalrous, suggesting activities he thinks I’d like, bringing small gifts, remembering info from previous conversations), smiling, making me laugh, having a good vocabulary, using proper grammar, dressing in clean, appropriate clothes,…
Dating as a job interview
Early on, I scoffed when I was told men see dating as a job interview. How could finding love be similar to finding a job? But then a guy recited his resume to me. I learned where and when he went to school, his major, and a litany of his jobs, including dates and companies….
Ambivalence
Ambivalence is the bane of the dating world. I’ve had plenty of pleasant dates with guys who were smart, educated, successful, attractive yet I felt if I saw him again, fine; if not, fine. I debated with myself whether I’d accept a second date or not. On the one hand, there was nothing odious or…
Good conversation is the foundation of great dating
One of the things that has stood out for me in interactions with the last four potential suitors is that guys (at least the ones I've encountered) don't know how to make conversation. I'm not just talking chit chat, but any kind of give and take. And that is precisely what is missing — give…
Becoming smitten with the fantasy
I’ve been surprised when men become smitten with me without yet meeting me. Perhaps we’ve had some interesting emails and phone calls, and they begin professing their love — or lust — for me. It’s happened enough times, I’ve decided they fall for the fantasy. When I was first dating, it happened to me. Now…
How do you greet him?
When I first started dating, I asked my dating friends, “How do you greet someone upon first meeting?” Shaking hands seems so businesslike. Doing nothing seems cold and aloof. I’ve settled on a quick hug. Since I’ve often been flirting with potential suitors by phone and email for at least a few days if not…