- Practice with a friend.
- Ask a question at the end of your sharing.
- Get the other person to share equally.
- Admit if you feel you’ve hogged the air time.
I think the point is to learn to be interested in other people, not to learn how to be a good conversationalist. If you are interested in other people, you will be a good conversationalist.
I’d rather have self-absorbed people be easily identifiable by their monologues. I don’t want to be tricked by a well-trained date who has learned how to feign interest in me.
I have found this verbal diarrhea to be very common. I have had a few dates with men who took this to the extreme……………I was literally exhausted after the date and did not go out with them again. Sometimes you can ferret out these big-time talkers on the telephone……..but sometimes not!
How about a man bringing up information about a past girlfriend that has the potential to hurt you or make you think less of him? I would rather know a little about their past (not in intimate details) and see how he is with me, then to hear chapter and verse about things that I should not be privy to about his relationship with someone else.
Recently, a man who I have been dating, was going to mention something about a relationship he had had in the recent past – and by his prelude into the conversation, I thought it was something of the verbal diarrhea type so I asked him if he thought this would be something that was important for me to know and whether it would add to or take away from our relationship. He paused and decided that it was something better left unsaid.
Now admittedly some of this verbosity is good because it does tell you what their values are, but sharing and bouncing the ball back to the other person, as DG described above, is the best way to learn about someone, and even then over time, as opposed to all in one night.
This happens on both sides of the fence, but if the person, man or woman, is talking and talking and talking and you are bored, it shows a lack of social skills to not notice it.
Sometimes I think a polite person is an enabler. You don’t want to appear bored. You want to appear interested. All that does is encourage the boorish behavior.
I like your suggestions, DG. People need to learn. I had an in-law, a very nice woman, who talked non-stop. At some point someone must have told her it was a problem because she changed overnight and became a much better conversationalist. She learned she had a problem and addressed it.
DG, you made me laugh about the “other photos” request. I have never had anyone try to send me these – but you are so right. It is so inappropriate! Your response made me chuckle 🙂
As a man, I don’t understand the idea of sending nude photos of myself. Do women really enjoy receiving these? I don’t really want to see a nude photo of a woman either. It’s just weird.
I guess there are people who are looking for nothing more than hookups. I suppose in that case maybe the photos are helpful.
Equally annoying IMO are the dates who….won’t say a darn thing. It’s like they just flat out refuse to exert themselves for a social reason.
They go out with you to meet your friends for example, and they just sit there like a dead log all evening. Or you go out to dinner somewhere and they just sit there and chew.
I guess I’ve dated more of these types than the ones who drone on and on…maybe because I like engineers?
My view is: social skills: if you don’t have them, make an effort to learn them.
With some people you have to figure out where their passions lie before they talk a lot. Men can be interested in things that they feel women don’t want to hear about — sports, Star Trek, the whole nerdy gaming/SF/comic scene, etc.
I can’t tell you the number of men who have done this to me on dates. They go on and on and on. I’m sorry, no one is that fascinating.
I do tend to ask a lot of questions… probably too many. I’m naturally inquisitive, but when someone doesn’t know me well, it might seem a little off-putting, so I try and watch out for that…
When a date is going well, besides equal time talking, there’s also smiling and body language… maybe a good amount of flirting (not too suggestive, but just enough for you both to know that there’s interest.)
As for wanting to exchange sexy photos… Definite red flag for me. I feel the same way about guys that are too suggestive before we’ve even met. I’m fine with innocent flirtations, but I’m not comfortable with more than PG-13 on initial conversations.