“I’ve had a lot of sex in my life. I’m looking for a connection. Sex is an important element in a long-term relationship, but it’s not the only important thing.” My jaw was agape as I heard him share his philosophy. I admit it. I’ve come to expect the polar opposite from midlife men in…
Tag: Dating after 40
Can an ambitious gal find happiness with a lackadaisical guy?
Bev, a DG reader, shared: I met a guy a couple months ago, and I really like him. He is everything I could possibly ask for, except for one thing, he doesn’t work. He is only 43 and on a pension. He told me that he was ill for two years and has not worked…
Prince Considerate
Many women refer to their perfect man as Prince Charming. We want someone who is likable and knows what to say to get along with others. But charm can also be shallow, knowing what to say without really meaning it. And he could be charming to others but lose that capacity with you. I grew…
When should you disclose any, er, unusual preferences?
I was once contacted by a man who said in his profile that he was “slightly kinky.” When I asked what he meant exactly, he said he’d explain in person. He was a perfect gentleman on the phone and in emails, so I thought it was worth a coffee meeting to find out. I’ve learned…
Gently telling him you want to be friends
A DG reader sent this question: Any ideas on how to gently let a good man go? I had several dates with a kind, intelligent, respectful man. We had much in common but by the third date it occurred to me that what we had was friendship, not a romantic attraction. He had different feelings…
Advice from sister-surrogate sages
Having lunch with two friends, both 16 years my senior, we were discussing relationships. They asked about my love life, always wanting an update on the soap opera of my dating situation. One had been married nearly 50 years, the other was a divorcée from a 30-year marriage. I often bounced my relationship dilemmas off…
Even eye candy isn’t good if you’re allergic
Last night, a date and I went to a Halloween party. The room was filled with scantily clad, hard-bodied beautiful people in provocative costumes. I tried to fit in with a comparably sedate, decidedly more understated attempt at a dominatrix. While I felt comfortable in my costume, even with my chubby, fishnet-encased legs flowing from…
Are you sending off “ready” vibes?
Talking to a single friend about her dating life, she said, “I’m really not ready, but I do have a profile posted.” “Why do you have a profile posted if you’re not interested in actually dating right now?” “It puts me in the mood of getting ready.” “That’s wise. It opens you up to the…
The zest test
An attractive, successful, intelligent, sexy 48-year-old man told me on our first date that he’d only had two other dates in the last 3.5 years. I asked why. “I’m not attracted to most women.” This was unusual, as I’d heard that many men are attracted to a lot of women who meet their physical criteria….
Bank of Grace account overdrawn
You met a guy and you seemed to hit it off really well. You saw him a few times. Lots of flirting, which led to hand holding and even kissing. In between seeing each other, some calls. But there were also a lot of unkept promises and missed commitments. There were plausible reasons, so you…
Are you holding on when you should let go?
Have you been in (or perhaps are in) a relationship that the other person isn’t as into? It doesn’t have to be a committed relationship, as this can happen even in dating. You are more into him than he is to you. He indicates this by his lack of calling, initiating outings, or verbally giving…