Dating-over-40 advice by the Dating Goddess™
You are probably thinking, “Who needs proof that men lose their ability to think when they are aroused?” We know this anecdotally, and men will agree, so we’re not man bashing. But in his book Predictably Irrational author Dan Ariely cites a study he conducted that gives us empirical evidence.
Sometimes we get lessons on dating — and life — from unusual sources.
The sand painter arrived early for the demonstration at the Arizona resort. He looked different than I expected — I made the stereotypical assumption that the demo would be by a Native American. He was not.
People often ask why I continue to communicate with new men after I’ve met one for coffee, or even accepted a second date. Why, they ask, don’t I just stop communicating with others and stay focused on one at a time?
Dating is, to some degree, a numbers game.
I know — usually it’s three strikes before someone is out. But in dating sometimes all you need are two interactions with a man to decide he’s out.
In dating relationships, it’s easy to ignore your guy’s disrespectful behaviors or indicators that he isn’t for you. You justify it by saying that you like many things about him so you’re willing to overlook some less-than-perfect behaviors.
But you’re just being an ostrich burying your head in the sand of romance.
Salacious. Risqué. Erotic. Nekked.
You didn’t request them. He didn’t ask if you wanted them. He just sent them. Of him — or various parts of him.
I dated a man for 6 months who was going through financial difficulty. When I asked why we didn’t see each other more than once every 10 days or so, he said he didn’t want to see me without being able to take me out. I explained that I was more interested in getting to know him than on his ability to entertain me. He said, “Romance takes finance.”
Many midlife woman have bodies with a bit more to love than they did in their twenties. Some are self-conscious about their less-than-model-like shapes. I have been.
I was surprised this week to hear from an out-of-the-area man who called me several times a week for a month a few months ago. We’d had a nice connection and he said he wanted to come see me soon, then he went AWOL with an occasional cryptic email. He’d told me he removed himself from the dating site because he’d found me and wasn’t interested in anyone else.
When you look through colored glass, it distorts the colors you see, especially colors in the same range. They are not as vivid as when you look through clear glass. The same is true in relationships. Rose-colored lenses diffuse red — especially red flags.
You are smitten. He is so perfect for you. He is not only everything on your list of the ideal man, he has many other bonuses too! He’s got that great smile, long eyelashes, cute butt. He knows how to brighten your day with brief text messages, but not too many that feel smothering. You are head over heels for him — a goner!
