Dating-over-40 advice by the Dating Goddess™
He is smart, funny, charming, good looking, worldly, educated, successful, a sharp dresser, good listener and conversationalist. He tells you what you long to hear. He is vulnerable with you and you with him. His kisses and caresses make you feel what you haven’t felt in a long, long time. He tells you how sexy and adorable you are, and how much he misses being with you.
You met through business, not online, so you know he’s not a player.
Yet there are things about him that on paper would be deal breakers.
I dated a sweet man who grew up in an African village. He came to the US at age 19 to go to school.
I loved hearing his stories of growing up in his village, living in mud huts, bathing in the nearby river, gathering water from a pond, making fire from sticks and moss, walking miles to sell eggs and chickens at the market, and other examples of a life I couldn’t imagine. He regaled me with his tribe’s welcome-to-manhood ceremony and other rites of passage.
The phrase “keeping it 100” comes from “keeping it 100% real,” meaning being 100% honest. It’s shorthand for no BS, don’t tell me what you think I want to hear, tell me the unvarnished truth. Don’t hold back.
I decided to try this with a man while we were exploring going from pals to more. His life is complicated right now, uncoupling from a long-term relationship. I wanted to understand his emotional state, goals and desires. I needed to determine if it made sense to become closer during this challenging time, or whether it would be best for all if we stayed pals and revisited becoming romantic after he was fully unencumbered.
A man may enter your life who does not hold the work title or financial status you are seeking. But he’s a good man. He is honest, has integrity, treats you respectfully, listens to you, and is accommodating to your desires.
The “what” is his profession. The “who” is his character, values and behavior.
It’s commonly said that women try to change their man into someone more to their ideal. Men, however, are afraid women will change, as they like what they have.
Not that a man can’t wish a woman was a better cook, was more punctual, neater, or had other habits he liked. But (generally) he won’t hound her, unlike women (generally).
My experience is men won’t tell you when they are fully accepting of who you are, warts and all.
Valentine’s Day is meant for lovers. So what if you are alone on this day designed to celebrate love? What if you are like many women who are dating, but without a regular sweetie with whom to celebrate Valentine’s Day? Perhaps you’ve been dating around, but there’s no one with whom it makes sense to get lovey-dovey on this, the snuggle fest of holidays. Or maybe you have yet to stick your toe in the dating pool.
There are many ways to spend the day wrapped in love, even if you are without a sweetie. Here are some ideas for you:
I have an inkling into why the cliché “nice guys finish last” has become an axiom. Nice is not enough for many women to find a midlife man appealing.
One of the hardest things in dating is when one of you misinterprets the other’s niceness or politeness for interest. I’ve been on both sides — the misinterpreter and the misinterpreted. Last night I was on the latter side. Neither feels good.
It’s not what you think. Yes, he suggested getting naked, although he didn’t say it that bluntly.
While in Dubai, I befriended a 28-year-old local professional man who shared the romantic reality for many like him. His description made me think of some parallels to Western dating, although, of course, there are huge differences.
It’s wonderful when dating someone who has the same level of infatuation you do. It’s fabulous to both feel similarly smitten.
However, my experience is it isn’t that common to feel equal adoration. One of you is typically more entranced than the other.
Jeff Mac has just released a brilliant book, Manslations: Decoding the Secret Language of Men.
(Full disclosure: Mac is a pal of mine, having formed a pal-ship through our blogs. We have a bit of a mutual admiration society, so perhaps my review of his book is a tad tainted. But I will try to be objective.)
Let’s say you’ve been going with someone a while and he is wealthy. I mean money is no object. Think Trump, Gates, Buffet kind of dough. He says, “Darling, I’d like to take you somewhere really special — the most luxurious hotel in the world.” Would you say, “yes”? Boy howdy, I would!
Since I’m in Dubai, I thought I’d take an Arabian tale and apply it to dating.
A Bedouin tied his camel outside his tent and retired for the night. It is unusually cold, so the camel sticks his nose under the tent and asks, “Master, may I keep my nose warm?” The master thinks, what’s the harm? “Sure. You may put your nose in my tent.”
You are, no doubt, expecting me to tell you of a fabulously wealthy shaikh who has swept me off my feet during my visit here. I’ve only been here 2 days, but no one has been enamored with me yet.
In fact, the local authorities block access to Match.com and other dating sites. Although www.uaedating.com did come up in a Google search. Not that I’m interested in joining, but just for research purposes, of course. They have a total of 1440 male members and 335 female members. I don’t think this is promising, although I do like the ratio.
