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The Land of Contrasts

India has been described by friends who've traveled here before as a land of contrasts. They were not exaggerating. I've traveled to third-world countries before and seen cardboard shanties next…
Posted inAre you ready for Mr. Great? Dating after 40

Fresh start. New beginning.

[googmonify]8790107066:right:120:600[/googmonify]Fresh startWithin a few weeks of my ex announcing he was leaving, these four words came to me while I was sleeping. I want to say they were in a dream, but they were so vivid and clear it was as if they were said by someone standing next to my bed.

While I was still in deep grief over the dissolution of my marriage, they gave me a perspective — even hope — that all would be fine once it was over.

On this New Year’s Day 4.5 years after my hearing them, they take on new meaning. Perhaps this year will be one of fresh starts and new beginnings for you, starting now.

Posted inDating after 40 From fear to frolic: sex Winning at the online dating game

“I’m not just some girl you met on the Internet”

[googmonify]8790107066:right:120:600[/googmonify]Private PracticeA few weeks ago on “Private Practice” two colleagues decided to take their sexual chemistry to the “friends with benefits” level. However, when in the bedroom ready to commence, she couldn’t go through with it, claiming that sex together would cheapen their relationship.

She exclaims, “I’m not just some girl you met on the Internet.”

In other words, she’s saying that Internet dating sites are the equivalent to hookup sites — prostitution without payment. Easy sex. Women who list themselves on the sites must be loose.

Hmmm.

Posted inDating after 40 Dating chemistry First-rate first dates

“I’m a nerd!”

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So said the professor with a Ph.D. and several masters degrees. My Google search revealed a page (not written by him) that called him “a famed professor” in his area of study. Other sites also lauded him. So I thought perhaps he was being modest when saying he was a nerd as he pursued me by sweet, thoughtful emails and phone calls.

His initial email said he was from out of state — 2000 miles away — but was planning to relocate to my area. I am a sucker for a man with good writing skills, so I responded and soon a vigorous email and phone conversation was launched.

UrkelWhen I met him a week after his first email, I saw that he was telling the truth. Can you imagine a 56-year-old Steve Urkel? I’m afraid the similarities were scary. Instead of hiked-up pants, he wore an ill-fitting patterned jacket with clashing shirt. His hunched shoulders suggested a form of osteoporosis or some other back malady. But as I stood straighter, so did he, so it seemed more habit than affliction.

He had braces, which seemed to be helping pull in his buck teeth and closing the gap of several missing ones. This also explained, in part, his lisp. His amblyopia, or lazy eye, kept me guessing which eye to address.

Posted inDating after 40 Multidating responsibly

Beware of multitasking when multidating

When friends learn I have sometimes dated multiple men simultaneously, they ask how I am able to do so.

Logistically, I keep notes in my Date-A-Base, logging facts like children (names, ages, locations), parents (living or not, location), marriage/LTRs (how long, how long ago), where he grew up, went to school, or important jobs or locations. Also, if he reveals deeper feelings, fears or concerns, I log that. But I’m better at remembering those conversations than facts and figures.

I can go from a conversation with one man to another pretty easily. It makes me realize how quickly we vilify those who date around, saying “How could he take one woman out to dinner one night and another the next?” We call these people “players” even if there is no purposeful behavior to lead one to believe you are committed to them.

I now understand how men — who we stereotypically think of when we think of multidating — can go from woman to woman in a short period of time. Compartmentalizing is not that hard. I’ve been known to carry on two IM conversations simultaneously and not miss a beat. Or have lunch with one guy and dinner with another on the same day.

Posted inDating after 40 Moving on graciously

Prince Considerate breaks up — considerately

After dinner and a nice stroll, we settled back in my house for a DVD. But before we could get started, he pulled me to his lap and put his arms around me.

“This is a very hard thing, but I need to say it. I don’t know why, but I’m not finding myself falling in love with you.”

He’d mentioned this a few weeks before, so it wasn’t news. We’d both felt similarly, but knew the other person had a lot of terrific characteristics so thought we should give it a bit more time.