online dating advice

No, I haven't found the man of my dreams. Which means you'll keep getting entries to this blog. What I'm talking about is, the Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40…

Jeff Mac has just released a brilliant book, Manslations: Decoding the Secret Language of Men.

(Full disclosure: Mac is a pal of mine, having formed a pal-ship through our blogs. We have a bit of a mutual admiration society, so perhaps my review of his book is a tad tainted. But I will try to be objective.)

Since I’m in Dubai, I thought I’d take an Arabian tale and apply it to dating.

A Bedouin tied his camel outside his tent and retired for the night. It is unusually cold, so the camel sticks his nose under the tent and asks, “Master, may I keep my nose warm?” The master thinks, what’s the harm? “Sure. You may put your nose in my tent.”

You are, no doubt, expecting me to tell you of a fabulously wealthy shaikh who has swept me off my feet during my visit here. I’ve only been here 2 days, but no one has been enamored with me yet.

In fact, the local authorities block access to Match.com and other dating sites. Although www.uaedating.com did come up in a Google search. Not that I’m interested in joining, but just for research purposes, of course. They have a total of 1440 male members and 335 female members. I don’t think this is promising, although I do like the ratio.

Are you likely to webcam chat with a man you haven’t met? There can be pros and cons.

I don’t encourage web chats — in fact, I refuse to turn on my webcam even though it’s built into my computer. But potential suitors turn theirs on, so who am I to refuse their invitation?

The video component gives you a much better sense of the man than static photos — some of which are often decades old. You can see his facial expressions, how he laughs, and what part of his home looks like.

And it can create a sense of connectedness — which can be good or not.

When a man says, “Let’s get together Saturday night,” do you take that as a possibility or a promise?

I take it as a promise. If he says, “Let’s do lunch sometime,” as many acquaintances do, I view that as a possibility — a remote one, more of a nicety than necessity. No fixed date is stated. But giving a time frame, even if no specific time, is a promise in my mind.

You are probably thinking, “Who needs proof that men lose their ability to think when they are aroused?” We know this anecdotally, and men will agree, so we’re not man bashing. But in his book Predictably Irrational author Dan Ariely cites a study he conducted that gives us empirical evidence.

Sometimes we get lessons on dating — and life — from unusual sources.

The sand painter arrived early for the demonstration at the Arizona resort. He looked different than I expected — I made the stereotypical assumption that the demo would be by a Native American. He was not.

People often ask why I continue to communicate with new men after I’ve met one for coffee, or even accepted a second date. Why, they ask, don’t I just stop communicating with others and stay focused on one at a time?

Dating is, to some degree, a numbers game.

I know — usually it’s three strikes before someone is out. But in dating sometimes all you need are two interactions with a man to decide he’s out.