Dating-over-40 advice by the Dating Goddess™
One of the hardest things in dating is when one of you misinterprets the other’s niceness or politeness for interest. I’ve been on both sides — the misinterpreter and the misinterpreted. Last night I was on the latter side. Neither feels good.
It’s not what you think. Yes, he suggested getting naked, although he didn’t say it that bluntly.
While in Dubai, I befriended a 28-year-old local professional man who shared the romantic reality for many like him. His description made me think of some parallels to Western dating, although, of course, there are huge differences.
It’s wonderful when dating someone who has the same level of infatuation you do. It’s fabulous to both feel similarly smitten.
However, my experience is it isn’t that common to feel equal adoration. One of you is typically more entranced than the other.
Jeff Mac has just released a brilliant book, Manslations: Decoding the Secret Language of Men.
(Full disclosure: Mac is a pal of mine, having formed a pal-ship through our blogs. We have a bit of a mutual admiration society, so perhaps my review of his book is a tad tainted. But I will try to be objective.)
Let’s say you’ve been going with someone a while and he is wealthy. I mean money is no object. Think Trump, Gates, Buffet kind of dough. He says, “Darling, I’d like to take you somewhere really special — the most luxurious hotel in the world.” Would you say, “yes”? Boy howdy, I would!
Since I’m in Dubai, I thought I’d take an Arabian tale and apply it to dating.
A Bedouin tied his camel outside his tent and retired for the night. It is unusually cold, so the camel sticks his nose under the tent and asks, “Master, may I keep my nose warm?” The master thinks, what’s the harm? “Sure. You may put your nose in my tent.”
You are, no doubt, expecting me to tell you of a fabulously wealthy shaikh who has swept me off my feet during my visit here. I’ve only been here 2 days, but no one has been enamored with me yet.
In fact, the local authorities block access to Match.com and other dating sites. Although www.uaedating.com did come up in a Google search. Not that I’m interested in joining, but just for research purposes, of course. They have a total of 1440 male members and 335 female members. I don’t think this is promising, although I do like the ratio.
Are you likely to webcam chat with a man you haven’t met? There can be pros and cons.
I don’t encourage web chats — in fact, I refuse to turn on my webcam even though it’s built into my computer. But potential suitors turn theirs on, so who am I to refuse their invitation?
The video component gives you a much better sense of the man than static photos — some of which are often decades old. You can see his facial expressions, how he laughs, and what part of his home looks like.
And it can create a sense of connectedness — which can be good or not.
When a man says, “Let’s get together Saturday night,” do you take that as a possibility or a promise?
I take it as a promise. If he says, “Let’s do lunch sometime,” as many acquaintances do, I view that as a possibility — a remote one, more of a nicety than necessity. No fixed date is stated. But giving a time frame, even if no specific time, is a promise in my mind.
