I have a new friend, the writer of “Male Call,” a syndicated newspaper columnist on “Advice From a Guy.” I asked him a question I thought might interest you. We had this exchange:
DG: What are signs a guy is just looking for a booty call on the first date?
MC: Wait a sec — who says guys are angling for anything more than a soul-stirring, earnest conversation about their feelings on the very first date?
Just kidding. We want to talk about your feelings, too.
No, but seriously. There are indeed a few things to watch for. One is excessive touching. Remember, it’s the first date — shoulder rubs and thigh squeezes are for later in the process — maybe the second date. An offhand, seemingly absentminded brush of her forearm as you’re making a point about thermonuclear dynamics is fine. We encourage it, even; it’s a subtle sign that you’re interested. (But on second thought, leave out the thermonuclear part.)
DG: This is good. I’ve had that thigh squeezing you reference. Also, French kissing within minutes of meeting me, and “accidental” brushes of my breast. I’ve been tempted to ask “Do I have SLUT tattooed on my forehead?” I’ve even had guys tell me what positions they envision us in before the night ends. Yuck!
Any other clues, oh wise MC?
MC: You’ve touched on another one: he continually steers the conversation toward something sexual, or at least suggestive. You: “So, have you seen any good movies lately? I loved Little Miss Sunshine.” Him: “Yes, I have! It reminded me of one of my favorite movies, Thong Party III. You know, I happen to have a copy at home. I live just around the corner.” Bonus warning tip: He picks a place to meet that happens to be very near his bachelor pad.
DG: You are so right, again! I had a guy suggest we go back to his place within minutes of meeting me. And I’m not showing up in cleavage-revealing, tight, short slutware or being provocative. I’d like to think I just have this mojo thing going, but I know it’s really more about his having a horny thing going.
Thanks, MC. I guess I know more about this than I thought! But always good to hear it directly from a guy.
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Bruce,
While it’s probably safe to say that most men–and most women–want and expect sex as part of a relationship or even outside of one, I think that booty call implies that sex is ALL that one wants out of the relationship or at least out of that particular date/encounter with that person. Obviously sometimes we meet somebody we are hot for, but still desire more.
Bruce, you’re officially out of the guy union…how can you even consider divulging the secret that guys … want … sex?! And to think we had the gals all fooled ….
OK, we won’t kick you out, but you do get a five-game suspension.
My first date after my divorce was most definately a booty-call. When he made brash comments about the motel next door to the restaurant where we had dinner I got uncomfortable. And then the yuck factor really kicked in when the subject of going bowling came up. I mentioned I had my own bowling ball, he replied, yeah, and he had two balls.
Good to know that I’m still attractive after being married for several years, but I don’t recall having the word slut tattooed on my forhead either! But if it’s true that the first one after a divorce is never a keeper, then I just paid my dues! Hopefully the next one will have more to offer.
It’s just amazing that boys never outgrow their immature sexual tendencies. When you mentioned having a bowling ball at home, and he said he had two balls of his own that is like the most immature thing. I am so sure that you didn’t have slut on tattooed on your forehead, but I am sure that he did. What a double standard, but things are changing somewhat because women talk about slut men too! These days with all the diseases hanging around no one wants a slut male or female.
To the person that thinks she has paid her dues with dating the guy that said he had two balls, I hope you are right! Good luck!
To the person that is going to wait around until marriage to have sex again, you will definitely weed the non-serious ones out. You have set your price high, and I am sure your are worth it. Hang in there.
Bruce, I wanted to thank you revealing this information. I do agree with a lot of these comments on the website. It’s nice to know I wasn’t misleading the signs when I had met a guy in 2004. My first & second date he just did want a “booty call”. He continually steers the conversation towards something sexual or least suggestive, excessive touching. I really got turn off. I loss interest, and haven’t wanted to interact around him the last 3 years. I’ve read everyone comment on the website. Thank you for very much. Everyone comments have been really helpful, and I no longer have uncertainies.
I agree with Paulette, women become uncertain of themselves after returning to dating later in life, they are often even more vulnerable than when younger. I feel an almost pathetic level of gratitude that everyone contributes their experiences and theories here, and I’m finding it very useful for shedding light on previous dating mis-haps as well as illuminating current experiences. It has also made me question my own behaviour, my own expectations and optimisms. I think I may be becoming the realist I always should have been except that constant romanticism got in the way.
…..lots and, lots of men don’t know, that, most of the time, they don’t have to lie to a woman…..