Posted inDating after 40 Multidating responsibly

Review of “The Four Man Plan: A Romantic Science”

The Four Man PlanCindy Lu has written a funny — albeit gutter-language-laden — book about systematically classifying the men you date. So if you don’t like to read language you’d hear in most comedy clubs, you’d best pass on this one. She is an actress and stand-up comedian, which is where this book got its start.

She lays out a plan to always have at least four men in the dating hopper. However, her mathematical formula for how to count each man (some are 1/4 men, others 1/2 men) is convoluted. I never caught on, and I won awards in math in school! (Nearly all knowledge of math is now forgotten due to under use.)

What I like about her philosophy is that she encourages you to juggle more than one man so you won’t be in the position to stick with a guy just because he’s the only one around. When you have more than one to choose from you don’t do those silly things we do when we’re desperate — like sleep with a guy we barely know just because we want some attention or affection.

Posted inDating after 40

Sweetie-less on Valentine’s Day

This can be a difficult time of year for those who don’t have a main squeeze. And if you’ve just begun to date someone, Valentine’s Day can be awkward, as you aren’t yet each other’s valentine. So what to do?

Last year, in “Dateless for Valentine’s?” I discussed how you can show yourself you’re loved. So let’s take the second scenario — you have just begun dating someone, but it would seem forced to pretend to be all lovey-dovey just because of this holiday focused on love.

Posted inDating after 40 Real deal or faux beau

Are you buff buddies?

buff femaleYou love working out. You are proud of your taut, fit body. You feel poorly if you don’t exercise for a day. You have made this a priority in your life.

How do you feel if you have a coffee date with someone who may not share your zest for exercise? Do you dismiss him summarily, even if he has a viable excuse like a recent injury or surgery? Perhaps he’s not obese, but clearly isn’t an exercise fiend. Do you bid him adieu, or give him a little slack, thinking you can include hikes, walks, dancing and other physical activities in future dates to help him get in shape?

Posted inDating after 40

I’m baaaaaack!

camel caravanWhile a month away can seem like a long time, it doesn’t when you’re in it. In fact, time took on a surrealism that I don’t experience when I am in the US. Because everything was so new and different — especially in India — every day seemed full. Cities we’d visited just days ago felt like a week ago, and those from last week seemed like a month. I love that feeling because it means I am very present, more so than at home. I take in all the sights and smells because they are unusual. At home there aren’t cows and camels and elephants in the streets. There aren’t women clad in bright-colored, sparkly saris.

I came back appreciating everything I saw and experienced, especially the kind, fun people who I encountered. Nearly everyone was nice, even when they didn’t want a tip or for me to buy something from them. And after India, I appreciated Singapore all the more, with its pristine streets and subway, drinkable water, and 24/7 electricity. Which made me appreciate the same things when I returned home.

Posted inDating after 40

Guest column: His brain, her brain — never the twain shall meet

While I’m traveling this month, some of my dating/relationship blogger pals have agreed to step in. Today our guest blogger is the author of the syndicated “Male Call, Advice From a Guy” column — and my pal.

Anonymous: I’m not sure there’s an answer to this, but why do guys always try to be so logical? I get frustrated with my husband sometimes because he can’t seem to just enjoy an experience, he has to try to explain or dissect it. What’s with that?!

Posted inDating after 40 From fear to frolic: sex

Why might a man think you’re a lady of easy virtue?

[googmonify]8790107066:right:120:600[/googmonify]While I’m traveling this month, some of my dating/relationship blogger pals have agreed to step in. Today our guest blogger is Jeff Mac, of Manslations fame.

Manslations reader Loiralei, has another of her patented “short, sweet, and potent” reader requests. This time? So….ummm…how soon can we DO IT? She writes:

How many dates should you go on with a man before you actually have sex with him for the first time without appearing to be a lady of easy virtue in a man’s eyes?

Dear Loiralei,

Posted inDating after 40

Praying for a man

In Singapore we found a Hindu temple that we were told was for single women to pray for their man to appear. Since my two travel mates are also single,…
Posted inAre you ready for Mr. Great? Dating after 40

Fresh start. New beginning.

[googmonify]8790107066:right:120:600[/googmonify]Fresh startWithin a few weeks of my ex announcing he was leaving, these four words came to me while I was sleeping. I want to say they were in a dream, but they were so vivid and clear it was as if they were said by someone standing next to my bed.

While I was still in deep grief over the dissolution of my marriage, they gave me a perspective — even hope — that all would be fine once it was over.

On this New Year’s Day 4.5 years after my hearing them, they take on new meaning. Perhaps this year will be one of fresh starts and new beginnings for you, starting now.