I continue to be surprised when people don’t seem to understand that dating takes time. It takes hours to sort through potential matches, contact them, email and talk on the phone. Then there’s an hour to meet them, if just for coffee. Dinner is 2-3 hours. A hike or bike ride, movie, theater, concert, dancing,…
Dating after 40
Is that you? Pictures are just a rough facsimile of the real thing
When I was first dating, I wouldn’t respond to someone if their picture wasn’t appealing, even if they sent an articulate, fun email. I also turned down any contact who I couldn’t imagine kissing, based on his picture. I didn’t meet a lot of new guys with these criteria! Now I’ve learned that pics in…
Deciding to see him again or not
Even when there isn’t the immediate physical attraction or chemistry, I’ll sometimes see a guy again to see if there is any underlying spark that needs a second chance to be kindled. If there was nothing odious on the first date, I may try once more. Last night is a good example. The gentleman arrived…
Courage and dating
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” —Anais Nin Last night in a class I’m taking, I briefly shared my story about how I’ve come to reenter the dating world, and how much I’ve learned from many of the men I’ve met. The instructor told me she was awed by the courage I…
From hurt to flirt
When my husband of 20 years left me I was stunned. I didn’t see it coming. After crying in a fetal position for a week, I had a talk with myself. I decided I was going to see if I could turn around the situation into something positive. I had a knack for doing so…
Dating angels
What is a dating angel? No, not the person you are dating — although some of them can be angelic. A dating angel is a stranger who helps you feel good about yourself. Someone who gives you an emotional lift, who flirts with you, or makes you feel attractive. For example, I was sitting at…
Guys make a great first impression with a small gift
The other day I had a first date with a guy who brought me a present — a recent bestselling book he thought I’d like. It was a great gift, as it is in the genre I read and I hadn’t read it yet. Thumbs up! One guy’s first-date gift was a CD of romantic…
Tracking your date’s score
A guy begins with 100 units. He can add to these units by doing good things (e.g., calling when he says he will, being chivalrous, suggesting activities he thinks I’d like, bringing small gifts, remembering info from previous conversations), smiling, making me laugh, having a good vocabulary, using proper grammar, dressing in clean, appropriate clothes,…
A tale of two phone calls
Yesterday I had a first phone call with a potential date. While his profile was refreshing and intriguing, the conversation was strained. I tried to pull him out by asking questions related to his profile comments. Although he’d initiated contact with me within 24 hours of the call, he asked me nothing about my profile…
Does he invite you to his place?
Yesterday a friend called: “I have a new lesson about dating.” She’s been dating longer than I have so I was interested in what new wisdom she’d gleaned. “Spill,” I demanded. “Before you get too involved with someone make sure you go to his home. If he doesn’t have you over, he may have another…
One-date wonders
You know how some groups are called “one-hit wonders” because they had one hit song and never again appeared on the Billboard charts? I have my dating version of that — one-date wonders. These are guys who after one date were at the top of MY chart, but we didn’t see each other again. Luckily,…